Sem Break -3

You may ask, how am I gonna spend my holiday? Well, I have plenty of plans for this holiday. At the end of the year 2009, I have watched the movie "Avatar" for 3 times. Ya, this is me, a crazy girl that you would never know. I will go kampar sing k with my best friend. She has some problem in her relationship, so I think it is good to bring her out and relax her mind. By the way, I can show her my uni life at kampar. Then, I will go for a crazy trip to Penang Island and Langkawi for about 5 days. I haven't been to Langkawi before. I think this will be an exciting trip for me. Nothing much to say here actually, I just need someone to talk to in this mid night time. Now, I am sitting here alone in front of the laptop, writing this blog, treat it as my best friend and chatting with it. Finally I can understand how my bf's feel by chatting with the laptop and treat it as best friend in life. To me, this is so pathetic; to him, this is the only thing that give him support and bravery to continue with his life. The world that has been created in the laptop has make him feel secure, thats why he chosen the laptop as his most loyal friend in the world. Now, I also depend on laptop to get my time pass. Feeling lonely, upset, secure, this is what I feel at the moment. Deep in dark can cause alot of messy stuff to play in the mind and must learn a way to control it.

Unforgetable X'mas

We wish you a meery christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, and a Happy new year.
Christmas, suppose to be a joyful day, like my darling said. To me, this is the perfect day in the end of the year because this year is my first x'mas celebration, and I spent the whole day with my dearest one. This is so perfect until I make a stupid call to my colleague. At first, I just wanna wish him a merry christmas, but I duno I can cause so much trouble to him. He seems he has some misunderstand with his wife and his wife phoned me to check who am I. I feel so surprise to get her call. I duno what does she want, I just can understand that I have caused myself into other's marriage crisis and yet, I am the cause of all these. A simple wish from a colleague can cause such a trouble on a married man, may I ask what is the meaning of getting marry with our beloved one? I learned one important lesson in this year X'mas. Never mess up with a married man or woman, you are putting yourself into a crisis.

Thought of the Day - 2

I abit in bad mood today, maybe I didn't take enough sleep for last night. Not
much mood for the day, abit short tempered, and I get sad easily. Tonight
maybe another sleepness night for me again as I think of nonsence things,
again.

I not sure whether it is normal for a girl to jealous just because of tiny stuff in
the life, mostly it is relevant with couple. I am feeling not comfortable when
my darling sits in front of the pc and busy with all his stuff online. We have spent 8 hours at cc, after came back to hostel, he already sit in front of the pc as soon as he finished his shower. I know that pc is the best friend for him, but it can be the past of him, right? Start from the beginning, I knew I was not at the first rank in his heart, and I will never be anyway. For him, family is in the first rank, secondly is the pc, I usually is in the third rank. Shouldn't he cares more about me rather than sleeping time or dining time? Even sleeping i also get frustrated. I so desperate that I can sleep before him, sleep tight in his hug, but this will only occur in my dream, not just for now, but forever. I know I can't sleep before him because I wanna make sure that he is sleeping well, sleeps under safe situation, make sure he is not being interruptted. Everything I do is just for him. Nowadays, I not just live for myself, but I live for him. He is the one that brings me out of the dark world of my heart, saved me from my past. I don't even dare to ask any request from him because I know what I have now is more than enough. I do not mean to complain or blaming, I just wanna express what is in my mind now. I just need a path to let it out of my mind. I shouldn't jealous with a pc anyway, right? =p

Rock my holiday

Today is my last exam paper and I think I have done it quite well. Hehe. After two nights suffered from running nose and study, I hope that I can score better this semester.  Who knows what kind of result that I gonna get? Bad result? Or just pass? Oh well, I will be glad for what I get because I have tried my very best to do it.

So, what is my plan for this sem break? Eventually I don't know. I plan to work part time here but I not able to do so because my parent resists it. Most of the time I will be staying at home and be my dear cousin's baby sitter. During X'mas, my darling has asked me for a date. So sweet....can't wait for the day to come.=p

Talking about my relationship, I in a very good and sweet relationship. I have to admit that I really changed alot in this semester. Usually I ll go out rather than staying at home, attend friend's gathering, and I seldom cook. Now, I would cook for my darling, stay at home with him, pay all my attention on him, seldom think of nonsense things. I have get rid most of my bad habits,well, like I aways say, a small change from bad to the good is better than none. =p

Lastly, wish myself and everone, MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!

Anything after my new hair style

There is someone told me that when you really love a person, you won't care how does he or she look like, what you like is her characteristics and the way he or she is. Unfortunately, this sentence seems do not make any sense on me. After I cut my hair short, everyone around me feels different when they look at me, same to my darling. I understand he likes my long hair, but since I came back to his side, everything changes. I don't even dare to ask for more of his attention, I just feel all alone by myself. I just dare to be next to him and sit there quietly, do my stuff quietly, actually I don't have much things to do. I know he dislikes my new hair style, I really don't mean to cut it that way. A change in hair style can bring me such a big difference in my life, I feel like I have go back to the olden days whereby I am alone in my own world. I know I shouldn't have such negative thinking all the time but I can't control my mind not to think of this bull shit. He wants a normal,quiet life, I don't know what's wrong with his life nowadays, all I know is he has his own thoughts and he won't let it down easily and listen to others. Thats the problem...I guess. This is his burden and he has to let it down so that he will not feel stress anymore.

Importance of Your smile

I dun like to c ur face without any expression. I just wanna make you laugh and yet, I made you laugh non stop. After a moment, you cry by aside. I was thinking, what did I do? I tried so hard to make you laugh, but I failed. I heard the sound you hit the wall, it just like you r hitting my heart, my heart was pain once you hit the wall. I wonder why. What makes you feel so bad? You just keep on saying it is your fault. I wonder why. There is no reason for you to say so. Like you said before, I rather you tell me the truth than you injure yourself. There is no difference as you r hurting me with a knife. Your smile represents your mood, your joy makes my day.

Lonely nite

Tonight the time passes slowly. I have vomitted two times. I vomit as I eat. Quite suffer. What's wrong with my stomach o? This is not the most suffer one, the most suffer stuff is I am having a sleepness night again. Haiz...I spend my time by watching drama through youtube. I wanna get someone to chat with me but everyone is sleeping. Why can't I just sleep o?

Today, I will go home for dinner with my darling. This is the first time I bring bf home for dinner. For your information, this home is my grandma's home, not my mother home. I like my grandma so much, more than anyone in the house. I don't know how am I gonna introduce my darling to them. I can't let them know he is my bf. Oh well...I guess my aunt knows it very well since she has invited us to go back for dinner, doesn't she? I wonder how they will act if I intro my darling to them...am I gonna get scold? Or they just act normal? I wanna intro my darling to them so much but I know I can't do that. If I do so, I can't stay at kampar and study. Sure I will have to stay at home and watch by my mum. Since I scare to be scolded, then why still I step my foot into the trap? I don't know, all I know is I love him and I wanna be with him, no matter what it costs, no matter how hard is it, I will just take it, just like how he loves me. He can sacrifice anything for me, why can't I? Both of us have paid for this relationship, aren't we?

First Date In Sem 3

My chubby darling..
so innocent..^^










24/11/2009 I will remember this date, this day is the only day I saw your cheerful smile for this sem. Since the starting of this sem, you seldom smile because of your study and some relation problem. I have tried to be the most perfect gf in this date and I think I have succeed, right? From your smile, I knew how happy you are at that moment, this is what we call "xing fu" in mandarin. Same as you darling, I will do whatever I can to make you happy, although I won't love you in the way you expected. I believe everyone has his own way to show his love. I use the most simple way to show my love to you, make you smile. You may not know how powerful is your smile, I know. Your smile makes me happy for the whole day. I just wanna let you know, I love you as deep as you love me.






Movie "2012" is the best movie that I ever watched. It talks about how the world ends, how the world starts a new life, the importance of humanity and family support in a crisis. No wonder every show is full and we have to make booking very early but still we get the 2nd most front seats. I sat there for 2 and a half hour until my butt is ache, I can't even walk at first.oh well, as long as it worthy, right? =.=

Thoughts of the day - 1

Yesterday, 3 utarians dead while playing at kampar waterfall. I knew one of them, James Khor. I feel sad. why? Because I have lost a friend? Not really. I am sad because I can't understand why God likes to give test to human. Is it because human is too weak? or He wanna know who is the best among human?

These days I have heavy headache, usually it occurs on the right side. It is so pain and yet, it disappears after few minutes, then it comes back again. Maybe it is because I don't have enough sleep, or I have been too tired, it is trying to tell me that I need a good rest now.

Tomorrow is my presentation, yet, I haven't finish my part of work. I really don't know what should I write, I have lost my mind, my confidence, my ideas. I really try my best to do it but I fail. All I do is trying to run away from all this. Maybe I just go and sleep. Everything will be just fine as I wake up.

Can I run forever? Someone asked me this question before. I knew I can't run, I have to face it no matter what. Family, work, study, interest, relationship, there is so many things that I haven't do yet, I am exhausted. It seems like my body can't take over anymore,it will shut down at any minutes.

THe Start of The New Sem

At this sem, I have to work while studying. I have over spent last sem, now I don't have enough pocket money. I don't want to ask from my family. Don't wanna increase their burden and sadness anyway. Furthermore, I also need to attend chinese orchestra practice because I have to perform in week 2 and week 3. These 2 weeks I have been so tired, luckily I got 2 days to rest in a week.

Now is week 2, the performance is on this Friday, and yet, I just attended one practice only, other time, I was working. Working, studying, practising for performance and wushu practice, I have to give up two of them so that I won't be so tired. I don't even have time for my darling. His kidney got problem, all I can do is stay besides him and give any help he wants, I feel so useless, can't do anything else for him. Why the God always give all these tests to me? Maybe He wants me to know more about concerning others, especially those who are close to me. May be He wants me to learn how to appreciate with what I have.

Lastly,may God bless my darling to be free from any diseases and stay healthy forever. I don't wanna lose him...for sure.

Days Without You (Part 2-end)

Day 7
This is the day where I usually went to my Grandma's house. Today is Moon Cake Festival. So, Mum brings us to grandma there for dinner, even my aunt and uncle come back from KL. Although I am happy to see them, I don't feel like I want to be with them all the time. I just wanna stay alone and rest. Miss you badly, as usual. At night, I have a phone talk with you, but we end it unhappily due to some misunderstanding.

Day 14
For the whole week, we had a bad conversation. I cried every night after you hang the phone. At that moment, I realized how weak am I in a relationship. Need your hug so much every night before sleep. I always think nonsense when I was alone or even before sleep.

Day 15
Finally I come back to Kampar. This is the place where I can be myself, a true me. No family in my life here, no baby's crying. All I have here is me and my darling. Here belongs to me. I start to work as I come back. This is the 1st working day for me at khakabo. Although the salary is quite low, but I am happy with it because I like the working environment there especially employees there, the only bad thing is I have to face that LCLY face, bastard han wei. At night, I go my darling's room to sleep. Thanks God that I am too tired that I can sleep tight tonight.

Day 18
This is the 4th day I work at khakabo. It seems like that bastard knows my working hour because I will be seeing him every time my working hour. Oh well, luckily my darling is coming back today, after this, I don't have to worry about anything.

Days without you (Part 1)

Day 1
Today is the first day without you. I do everything by myself, do everything for my family, take care of my family, help my family. All I can do for you is to send short message to you and wait for your call at night. I never wait for my bf's call at night for long time. This is the first night we on the phone, keep on telling each other how much we miss each other, but not much topics. I even fall asleep when you are telling your story.

Day 2
Second day without you, I start to miss you badly. I never miss someone like you before. I have a nice moment with my cousins. I play candle with them and they are so happy with the lighted tree I made for them. I do the same thing, I waited for your call the whole day. Finally, you have called me. This time, we have a better chat. I enjoy the moment with you.

Day 3
This day, I miss you even more. On the other hand, I have a happy moment with my baby cousin. Although he is quite naughty, but I happy to take care of him. I feel tired taking care of him but it is worth to see his smile, a smile from an angel. As usual, I am waiting for your call. And, you call, and this time, I have become the most happiest girl in the world. We plan our future together, solve each other's problem, cheer for each other.

Day 4
I go back kampar today to settle my pets. I send them to pet shop at the cost of RM6 per day. I plan to collect them 2 weeks later. Then, I manage to get a job from Khakabo. At least, I have an income and saving for my next sem and I don't have to ask money from my family. As usual, I am waiting for your call, but this time, I phone to you. This time, you make me heart broken for not being remember my birthday. To you, it is hard for you to remember a person's birthday, but at least, you have to remember mine's. Anyway, it is a past. At night, you just hang the phone and yet, you blame me for hanging your call. This even hurts me more. I have a sleepness night. This is the first sleepness night in this sem break.

Darling

Darling, I know you are lonely too. For once, you also live in your own world too. You need to be care of, you need attention from your beloved one, and yet, I can't do what you need and sometimes I even don't realize it. Please don't ever blame yourself again even though it is not your fault. All the problems come from me, I am the cause of all these. When I am with you, you just do your stuff and leave me there by myself, makes me feel lonely, so I rather hang out with sharon than stay at home. I have told you before, I don't like to stay in the house. why? So that I will not think too much. I have chose to forget everything happen in my life because to me, there is too many burdens and I want to throw them away, I don't want to remember everything. What I want is the same as what you want, someone that loves us, only us. But, why I will feel lonely even though when I was being with you? I don't know. I try to care you more but it makes me feel I am fake. Everything I just let it be. To you, I not mature enough. To me, I don't want to think stuff in a mature way. You can say that I am childish, but to me, it is the best way to relax myself. As you said, I haven't see the world, all I went through is just looking at the surface and think as it should be like that.

Unmemorable week

This week is my exam week, whereby it is a week that I don't wanna go through again. I have a sleepness week and many things happened on me and I can't take it over on my shoulder. Final exam will comes to its end this saturday and I will go back to my home. Hopefully I can enjoy my sleeping moment at home.

Why I say this is a unmemorable week for me? Because I am truely lost myself in my life journey. Or, I shall say, I have locked myself in my world. In fact, I have locked myself for 1 year. Since past 3 months, there is someone that is trying to open my world and let me out of there but he failed. And yet, he keeps on trying, hope that I will open my world to him one day.

Darling, I feel so sorry for what I have said and what I have done on you that makes your heart broken. I really didn't mean to hurt you, maybe you are right, to me, friends are more important than you, but what I want to say is you are important to me, too. I know, it is my fault to tose you aside when friends call me, but do you know why? I am lonely.

Suffer Night

Tonight, is my 2nd sleepness night in the week. Why? I not sure and I don't know the reason. After I heard what Daniel said, I totally felt the pain from the bottom of my heart. Finally I know why he always want me to stay with him all the time and cares him more than anyone else, and yet, I knew I can't do all this. I feel shame of myself for not being a nice girlfriend and play my role as a girl. Here is the story...

Its a story between Daniel and his ex-girlfriend, Paula. 2 years ago, they were couple. At that time, Daniel didn't really appreciate what she did for him. Paula is a very nice girl friend. She will fetch him after class and accompany him for the rest of the day. Everyday, she wakes up early to cook breakfast for him. What she did is just for him. What a nice girl.........

Unfortunately, they always quarrel with each other because of the difference value between themselves. Due to this, Daniel has asked to break the relationship. So, this relationship has came to its end after 2 years. Since that, Paula has a hard moment because she can't take the reality that he has asked to break relationship with her. Poor Paula...

When daniel thinks back, he starts to regret with his stupid decision. He loves her so much, but he has to put her down because of this stupid, fucking reason. Until now. he still can't face Paula. He wants to apologize to her but he doesn't dare to do so. He so desperate to say sorry to her.

Hopefully Daniel will make his decision whether he wants to go kl, have a visit to her and say:"I'm sorry." At least this will makes him feel better than never. Daniel, no matter what is your decision, I just wanna let u know that I want u to be happy for who you are, be cheerish all the time, be proud of who you are being, be brave to face any difficulties. I know you will not let me down, right? Love you forever.

Suffer From Sleepness Night

tonight, i am having a sleepness night.....again....y? i oso duno.

yesterday i started sit for my 1st exam paper for this sem, is my favourite subject actually, but i din put much afford on it, so it seemed i ll get a bad result this sem. i guess i may have to repeat it on next year, i hope not.

at night time, i can't slept, so i read messages on the phone. i realized i have alot of misunderstood of my bf. he is just need to be cared of, but i can't even care him for real, as in a bf way. in fact, i treat my best friend better than bf. now i know what he wants, he just wants to spend more time with me, wants more care from me, wants my full attention, and yet, i dun even know about all these stuffs. mayb this is what should a gf does, and it shows i not a good gf. all this years, i have been alone, and now, when i found someone i loved, i just want to be cared of, and yet, i duno how to care about him. mayb the way that i show my care to him is not clear for him, or i reali duno how to show and tell him that i do care him more than anyone. my bad, i think.

sometimes, i ask myself, y i always think of these stupid and negative stuffs? it is meaningness. is it because i am a girl, so i will think of these without my notice? God knows.

Sleepness night

Here we go again.....I have a sleepness night, again, this is the second time in the week, What the hell is going on with me??? Damn tired now, but I still managed to post 2 blogs here, sucks...I hv drank some alcohol, I should be in my dreamland now, why am I still sitting in front of my laptop? No mood to do anything, no mood to say anything, just wanna get something to do and sleep for the rest of the day. I still need go for drum practice this evening, dont know whether my body can take it over or not. There is 4 days more before the performance, I started feel nervous since last week. I keep on thinking how should we perform the drum so that it will be the best performance of the day. There is another thing playing in my mind, what kind of hair style should I take? I am planning to have a hair cutting later but I can't figure out what hair style that suits me the best. Oh well...I guess I have to refer to my hair stylist later, haha...
Good night and sweet dreams ^.^

Answers for the questions

Last week, i went through a tough time wif my relationship. It seems like there is problems occured but I just can't figured it out, at the end, i ended up so stupid. What am I to you? Who are you to me? Is this important? Why you feel you're not my boyfriend? Is friend more important than you do? There is so many questions to answer and yet, I am helpness when I am facing these stupid questions.To me,these questions are dump ass...to you, they might be important.

First of all, You, Daniel, is my beloved one. I am sure you know it but you just can't feel it just because of my personality. I have done many things just to make you happy. I cooked for you just to see your happy smile, in fact, it made me feel happy and satisfy at the moment you finish the dishes. This is the first time I can feel the happiness from my cooking. You have proved that I can do it although I don't like to cook. This has showed how much do I care about you.

In my opinion, friends are more important than couple. You may wonder why is it so. I'll tell you what. I gain safety and self-satisfaction by caring my best friend and people around me. I lack of protection since I was a child. Whenever there is something bad happened, friends always the one that help me solve them. You may feel the way I treat friends is much more better than the way I treat you, I just can say:" Im SORRY my dear..."

Last Saturday night, we went to your best friend's party. When I saw the Poodle, I wanna play with it and yet, you have stopped me from continue playing with it just because it is dirty!!! You made me feel I am a little girl in the party and not your girl friend. You also knew that I can't mix well with other girls and yet, you still wanted me to join their conversation. I will look so stupid if I listen to you and join into their conversation. Can't you feel it? I wanna play ping pong with those guys, but I knew you might not happy with it so I didn't even dare to ask. I have to control myself for not being so rude in the party and even in front of you.

I have a bad conversation with my parents and other family members. I know they just care about me but I feel like I wanna run away from them. I hate family, especially when they concern about moral value and a lot of stuffs that they even can't realize it in life. For what they tell me all the bull shit since they can't even practice it? They always say that they love me, but is it love when a mother's duty is to cook and do all the housework for us and didn't even care about what plays in our mind? This has made up me of nowadays. I rather remain silence than voice out eveything. because everything I said never being bother by anyone in the family. What I think about family is its just a hotel for me to rest and get prepare for tomorrow. I dont even feel family's warm from my parent. This is why I rather be alone than couple. When I am alone, no one will betray me, no one will ignore me, no one will gonna hurt me either. It feels sucks when you have been hurted since you were young. This is why I am here by myself.........

My dog

Few weeks ago, I had let go of my dog, Bibi. After that, I didn't c it at all, until my friend told me that he saw my dog was hanging around Grand Kampar Hotel. Soon, my boy friend and I went there to check it out. As we reached there, I saw it walked around with other dog. At the moment I saw it, I felt so sorry to it. I not a good master. This shouldn't done by a dog lover and I feel shame of myself that I am a dog lover. Let the dog hang around, take the risk that it may be shot by the dog hunter, can't get any food, being chased and bully by other dogs or human... I am so sorry, Bibi. I can't take good care of you and I am not a good master, I have been so selfish and I just let you go and yet, I didn't get you home. Will you blame me? I think you will, you might hate me as well, if you have the mind and can think as human does. If you meet with me in future, I hope you will forget that I am your master once before. I hate myself...

~Confuse~

My dear "brother", since when you have learned all the bad things from your parent? Why do you always let us down? You have failed us. What do you expect from us? Now you are our friends, or enermy? You make me so confuse about our friendship. When I get to know you, you not that kind of person, now you betray our friendship because of your evil parent, how could you do this on us? We just try our best to help you, how could you betray us as easy as you like?

These days I had a thought in my mind, "what kind of changes happened on me? Is it make me a better person or make me becomes even worst?" I don't know about it, I feel I have became much more better, on the other hand, it makes me feel I am another person that I never known but I just don't know what is it. I can't stop thinking of it, I wanna know why and what has caused this changes on me. Is it because of the appearrance of Daniel? Maybe... Hopefully this changes can make my life to a better way.

Dear brother....this is what i gonna tell you now.

It has been 3 months since i knew my dear "brother", I managed to get to know his characteristic but how well do i know about his background? How could i help this fellow without thinking twice? I only done this on him, I know this is crazy. Why am i doing this? There is a lot of people said that i have a mature mind but this time i have lost my mind. To me, i just doing the right thing. He is just a kid whom is running away from the problem, all i want is to help him to face the facts, in the end, i have behaved like his suck parent. This is the time where i should stop, I have done my best for him, now let him faces his fate. I believe everyone has his fate which arranged by God, He wants to test your response when faces life challenges so that He can rearrange your life on how well the life for you. Perhaps this is the time where the God is testing me up. He has arranged the appearanced of my "brother" in my life, which has helped me during my hard time, which want me to be his saver in his life. I learned not to trust others easily in the past, now I learned the boundary of help. By the way, he has a messy and cruel family, my best friend and I have helped him a lot in finance problem but we can't do anything on this, although she wants to help him. I have done my best for him, I have my own life to go with, so this is the time where I stop holding his hand and walk away from him. This is life my dear brother, you must go through it without anyone. You are born alone and you will leave alone, without any companianship, without money, without your body. Now, you are facing the problem by yourself, no one can help you, you have control on your own fate, your life. The only way to control your life is to be taugh, strong in either physically or mentally, think maturally, act like your age, and all the good characteristics that you can think of. Never try to get help from others, they may betray you in future. My advice is just a reference, it depends on you now my dear brother. Wish you all the best in future.

What is love?

Wherever there is love, there will be someone gets hurt. I agree with this. Love is a strange feeling and believe that bring two different persons into a relationship. Love does not consider only two persons, but it also can be family and friends. We can say love to our family, our friends, not just our couple. They respect each other, love each other, do whatever they could just to see a wonderful smile from beloved. On the other hand, there might be someone is getting harm from this relationship, for example, dear brother, best friends, even your beloved may get hurt. There are many things that can't be predicted by human beings. No one will knows what might happen in the next moment, so what can we do now is to do whatever we can for our beloved ones, family, and friends. We may hurt people around us just because we love them, we may use the wrong way to show how much we care about them, normally tragedy will happen in this way. Children run away from home, husband kills wife, terrorists burn up the whole city, this are the cruel ways to show how much they love for their beloved family, couples and country. In the end, many people have sacrificed because of what they believed and loved. No matter what reason they are using, its just an excuse for their mistakes. If they really love for what they believe in, think twice before action.

My Days In The End of July

30th July,was my birthday.I had a sweet day with my dear, brother, and best friend. They have prepared a surprise party for me, unfortunately i didn't have a chance to eat my birthday. Why? Because I have gave it to others before I can have a bite on it. Haha. Oh well...its a memorable night for me.
31st July, it should be a happy day for me, at the end, it ends up with a broken heart. I went to Ipoh with Daniel just to buy a birthday present for my brother. Although I don't know what to buy, but I have a nice moment with Daniel. He bought me roses as my birthday gift. After we went back Kampar, I went to my brother's room to get my clothes. I noticed he is not happy but I just don't know why. I left without asking much. After I had my shower, I logged on to my msn. When I saw his display mesage, I felt heart broken. He wrote there:"Every caring, to him, is just a fake! Whenever there is love, friendship will always been frgotten!! Is there every human being like this way? I wanna leave, here is a cruel place for me. I have over come the feel of being self-abased, but I fall down so soon. Whats the point of being rich? I still being alone!" My heart is broken as I rea this message, I just can't stop crying Why Everything I do is always not worthy? Each time I try to do my best for the one I care the most, it becomes not worthy. I always wonder why why why...why everything changes in a night time?? Doesn't he know how muych I care bout him and Daniel? I don't mean to have a preference for Daniel, or vice versa. I care both of you so much. Both of you are the most important part of my life, Do you know it?

I am who i am

Everyone who knows me,they might think that i am a cool girl because i dont have much words to say and i seldom mix with others. I am a girl which is quite rude in attitute, act like a guy, not much girl's characteristics except physical development.I am a girl which like to be alone in my world, a world that fulfill with my dream. In fact,I like to make friends because i hate to be alone sometimes,but I just dont know how it gonna happen. I grown in a traditional family,where my dad is working outside and mum is a housewife who always take care of us.Maybe because of her,I have learned to be silient all the time so that i wont make mistake because my mum gt bad temper,in fact, i gt a bad temper too. This might be my way to protect myself from being hurt by others. I hate my family...sometimes...I always feel like I wanna run away from that home,it just make me feels that is a hotel more than a home. Mum never talk to us,whenever my sister and I have problems, usually we will solve by ourself by discussing with each other. Everything happend at home makes me feel uncomfortable.When I tell u about my family, you might have thought that isnt a big deal, but for me,it is. Every incident happend has affected my mind,makes me feel even more unfamiliar with my family member. I can see alot of characteristics of my family members which cant be seen during childhood. I can see and understand every changes happened on my every beloved one, my grandpa, my cousin, all source of things that makes me think deeply.I know how much lucky am I in the world when compared to others, but I still feel unsafe in the family,because there is the place where I learned not to trust people so easily.
After I started my uni life,it seems everything is fine for me, but I have met all kinds of human being, and I learned how to look at people with a clear and open heart.Maybe I am the one who has changed,I started to run away from this world.I started day dreaming,gaming, just to forget who am I at that moment. Luckily, there was best friends who always be with me whenever i nid them.Thanks to them,I manage to turn my way back to where I belongs.
As I have went through these events, I learned, do your part is not enough, but never do things that is out of your ability,you will never be appreciated. I have a more mature mind but I dont show it. I keep all my words in my heart because I know I will get mistake as I talk more. I just want a simple life. This uni life is not the life style that I always wanted. I love Music, especially chinese traditional music, but my family doesnt let me do the course just because of its low valueble in m'sia. I hate study because I was forced to do so. Anyway. I have to end up with what I have started. Who knows what might happen in the future? Maybe I will get rich someday by doing business, hahaha. I hope so. =p

7月27日
A whole New mE
There was a time when i was having a terrible life time in my whole life. I just don't know how to over come the problem. It seems like the world is pointing its fingers on me,everything is going the wrong way. I was lost for a period of time,but thank God, I have two best friedns that helped me alot during this period, thanks you guys. Oh well, evverything started to move smooth for me as i moved out from the shop lot, thats a good start for me. A whole new place for a whole new me, heres I start my whole new life.
After i move into the new hostel, everything here is not familiar with me, at least i got nice housemates. Haha...I start to put in my effort in my study,although it is not enough to cover what I have missed. Since the day I move in, I met a guy. I knew he interested with me since the first sight. Girls always have great sense about others' mind, they just don't wanna let others know what play in their mind. In these two weeks, I spent most of my time with him and I found out that he is a nice guy to be with but I don't dare to accept him at first. I know I not a good lover, I have hurted everyone before him, causes me do not dare to accept him so easily. And yet, he succefully convinced me by take good care of me. He may not be handsome, but he is a nice guy and I feel like I wanna be with him to give him protection and supportation that he needs.
Daniel, this is what can I do for you. I love u.