My Days In The End of July

30th July,was my birthday.I had a sweet day with my dear, brother, and best friend. They have prepared a surprise party for me, unfortunately i didn't have a chance to eat my birthday. Why? Because I have gave it to others before I can have a bite on it. Haha. Oh well...its a memorable night for me.
31st July, it should be a happy day for me, at the end, it ends up with a broken heart. I went to Ipoh with Daniel just to buy a birthday present for my brother. Although I don't know what to buy, but I have a nice moment with Daniel. He bought me roses as my birthday gift. After we went back Kampar, I went to my brother's room to get my clothes. I noticed he is not happy but I just don't know why. I left without asking much. After I had my shower, I logged on to my msn. When I saw his display mesage, I felt heart broken. He wrote there:"Every caring, to him, is just a fake! Whenever there is love, friendship will always been frgotten!! Is there every human being like this way? I wanna leave, here is a cruel place for me. I have over come the feel of being self-abased, but I fall down so soon. Whats the point of being rich? I still being alone!" My heart is broken as I rea this message, I just can't stop crying Why Everything I do is always not worthy? Each time I try to do my best for the one I care the most, it becomes not worthy. I always wonder why why why...why everything changes in a night time?? Doesn't he know how muych I care bout him and Daniel? I don't mean to have a preference for Daniel, or vice versa. I care both of you so much. Both of you are the most important part of my life, Do you know it?

I am who i am

Everyone who knows me,they might think that i am a cool girl because i dont have much words to say and i seldom mix with others. I am a girl which is quite rude in attitute, act like a guy, not much girl's characteristics except physical development.I am a girl which like to be alone in my world, a world that fulfill with my dream. In fact,I like to make friends because i hate to be alone sometimes,but I just dont know how it gonna happen. I grown in a traditional family,where my dad is working outside and mum is a housewife who always take care of us.Maybe because of her,I have learned to be silient all the time so that i wont make mistake because my mum gt bad temper,in fact, i gt a bad temper too. This might be my way to protect myself from being hurt by others. I hate my family...sometimes...I always feel like I wanna run away from that home,it just make me feels that is a hotel more than a home. Mum never talk to us,whenever my sister and I have problems, usually we will solve by ourself by discussing with each other. Everything happend at home makes me feel uncomfortable.When I tell u about my family, you might have thought that isnt a big deal, but for me,it is. Every incident happend has affected my mind,makes me feel even more unfamiliar with my family member. I can see alot of characteristics of my family members which cant be seen during childhood. I can see and understand every changes happened on my every beloved one, my grandpa, my cousin, all source of things that makes me think deeply.I know how much lucky am I in the world when compared to others, but I still feel unsafe in the family,because there is the place where I learned not to trust people so easily.
After I started my uni life,it seems everything is fine for me, but I have met all kinds of human being, and I learned how to look at people with a clear and open heart.Maybe I am the one who has changed,I started to run away from this world.I started day dreaming,gaming, just to forget who am I at that moment. Luckily, there was best friends who always be with me whenever i nid them.Thanks to them,I manage to turn my way back to where I belongs.
As I have went through these events, I learned, do your part is not enough, but never do things that is out of your ability,you will never be appreciated. I have a more mature mind but I dont show it. I keep all my words in my heart because I know I will get mistake as I talk more. I just want a simple life. This uni life is not the life style that I always wanted. I love Music, especially chinese traditional music, but my family doesnt let me do the course just because of its low valueble in m'sia. I hate study because I was forced to do so. Anyway. I have to end up with what I have started. Who knows what might happen in the future? Maybe I will get rich someday by doing business, hahaha. I hope so. =p

7月27日
A whole New mE
There was a time when i was having a terrible life time in my whole life. I just don't know how to over come the problem. It seems like the world is pointing its fingers on me,everything is going the wrong way. I was lost for a period of time,but thank God, I have two best friedns that helped me alot during this period, thanks you guys. Oh well, evverything started to move smooth for me as i moved out from the shop lot, thats a good start for me. A whole new place for a whole new me, heres I start my whole new life.
After i move into the new hostel, everything here is not familiar with me, at least i got nice housemates. Haha...I start to put in my effort in my study,although it is not enough to cover what I have missed. Since the day I move in, I met a guy. I knew he interested with me since the first sight. Girls always have great sense about others' mind, they just don't wanna let others know what play in their mind. In these two weeks, I spent most of my time with him and I found out that he is a nice guy to be with but I don't dare to accept him at first. I know I not a good lover, I have hurted everyone before him, causes me do not dare to accept him so easily. And yet, he succefully convinced me by take good care of me. He may not be handsome, but he is a nice guy and I feel like I wanna be with him to give him protection and supportation that he needs.
Daniel, this is what can I do for you. I love u.