Before 26, I always see myself as an ordinary girl with a stable relationship and building my career path to a higher level. When 26, my life does happen as I have always wanted, except the luck who seems to have forgotten about me.
Year 2016 is not really a good year for most of us due to many reasons, such as company bankruptcy, politics, and bad economy. So do I. Everything I have planned, never worked out. Everything I wish to achieve, I screwed up. I always put my very best in doing them, but luck does not see it and disappointment welcomes me. Someone says i am very selfish and it always about me, me, me and it is very silly to say things do not go as I planned. Yes, I am frustrated. Yes, I am upset. Yes, I always express my stupid feelings at you although I know you do not like it. This is because I made a promise with you that I will no longer keep my feelings from you. I share every tiny details of my daily moments with you in order to keep us connected. But you started to keep your feelings from me again, just like when we first met.
I am not a talented person, nor a clever one and thus, I always work hard to earn what I deserve. I do not ask for something that is impossible as there is no free lunch in the world and I have to work hard to earn it.. As such, I have to work hard to make things happen. But somehow, things seldom go by my way and it is pretty upset. Bit by bit, I got depressed and I rather give up in doing my best for everything.
For example, when I discover my partner is bothering by work and he refuses to talk to me, it rather upset as he does not share his feeling to me anymore. Perhaps he feels it's his burden to bear and not mine. I have made a promise to be his ears and will be there for him when he needs me. But, he chooses to stay away from me instead when he needs me the most. Why he can't realize and admit that it is alright for him to share his feeling with me and cry his heart out? I totally not ok if he chooses to bury everything deep in his heart. Whenever this happens, he and I get frustrated, say things that we are not meant to and quarrel with each other. (This will make him piss and speak out everything and I really sorry for it.) So yeah, we usually end up not talking to each other for the rest of the night. However, I will make the first move to talk to him thereafter. This is because I appreciate what he is doing and hope he will get stronger thereafter. But it seems like I always make things worse.
A message for my beloved one:-
"Darling, I do not know whether you will be reading this message or not, but still, this is for you and future me. I know I get jealous and feeling insecure easily and I may not be able to get as gentle or ladylike as you wanted me to be, but I will always give you the best of me, love you with all I got, protect you from any possible harms, and pamper you at all times. I know I have been doing lots of stupid things when I am with you, but my intention is to protect, not to harm. If you think the way I love you is to much for you to bear, please let me know and I will make things right for both of us. I don't care if you are the most boring person in the world, or you are the most talented person I have ever fall in love with, you will always be my loved one and I am always here for you whenever you need me. When you feel tired and exhausted, I wish I am strong enough to hold you while you walk towards me, hug me, and say:"I am home." and I shall comfort you with the warmest hug. In fact, I am too weak to even hold you tight and wipe the bitter tears of yours. I wish I am stronger and able to protect you but I failed. Please forgive the foolishness of mine and I need you to stay with me, grow strong with me and most importantly, grow old with me."
