End of Y2S2

After last final exam paper of the sem, I suppose to feel happy and set me free from stress and in fact, I am having a lot of stress, either from workplace, family or relationship. I hope this is just only part of my imagination or even it is just a dream that will never come true.

As for workplace, I start to feel tired and yet, I don't have choice but to work. Sometimes, I will think, I am just 21 years old and I still too young to work so hard right now. I suppose to enjoy my uni life just like other girls do. But, if I don't work, I will not be able to pay for rental and utility fee. I do believe that no one shall like to work for more than 10 hours per day. Thus, the consequence for working too hard is the beloved one blame that I always don't have time for him and just work and work and work. I want to tell him that I want to stay with him every second but I just can't.

I always hope for his understanding on this issue but it seems not. I don't know how long this relationship can be carried forward... If I never take a look at his message box, I wouldn't know that there was just a girl in the study group and not with a guy like what he told me... does he lie to me? Am I being too busy for him? Or he has just found a better one? I don't know, and I don't wish to know.
I just think too over...

I never feel safe until I met him. I thought he could be the one that can protect me from any harms. Please don't prove me wrong and tell me it is just a dream. I start to give up myself, no more good characteristics, only bad tisseus in my tired body. I start to fill my body with alcohol, fill my soul with cigaratte. I know, I am useless, it is normal if someone has gave up hope on me. No one shall see my effort to become good, they only seen the bad side of me, they never trust I have improved myself. All I want is your compliment on my effort.

I guess I have done emo-ing here. It is time for me to go to bed. Hopefully I could have wake up as a new person the next morning and try my best to make myself into a better person. I shall not give up myself. Because if I do, nobody will ever see the bright side of me.

爱。。。唉。。。

在和你在一起的日子里
我始终无法自拔
我对你是认真的
可是，
事实却让我不敢相信眼前的你
你，是我的
但，我不敢肯定，
也不否定你在我生活里的地位

我该认真地考虑把你忘掉
可是，我做不到