Sleepness night

Here we go again.....I have a sleepness night, again, this is the second time in the week, What the hell is going on with me??? Damn tired now, but I still managed to post 2 blogs here, sucks...I hv drank some alcohol, I should be in my dreamland now, why am I still sitting in front of my laptop? No mood to do anything, no mood to say anything, just wanna get something to do and sleep for the rest of the day. I still need go for drum practice this evening, dont know whether my body can take it over or not. There is 4 days more before the performance, I started feel nervous since last week. I keep on thinking how should we perform the drum so that it will be the best performance of the day. There is another thing playing in my mind, what kind of hair style should I take? I am planning to have a hair cutting later but I can't figure out what hair style that suits me the best. Oh well...I guess I have to refer to my hair stylist later, haha...
Good night and sweet dreams ^.^

Answers for the questions

Last week, i went through a tough time wif my relationship. It seems like there is problems occured but I just can't figured it out, at the end, i ended up so stupid. What am I to you? Who are you to me? Is this important? Why you feel you're not my boyfriend? Is friend more important than you do? There is so many questions to answer and yet, I am helpness when I am facing these stupid questions.To me,these questions are dump ass...to you, they might be important.

First of all, You, Daniel, is my beloved one. I am sure you know it but you just can't feel it just because of my personality. I have done many things just to make you happy. I cooked for you just to see your happy smile, in fact, it made me feel happy and satisfy at the moment you finish the dishes. This is the first time I can feel the happiness from my cooking. You have proved that I can do it although I don't like to cook. This has showed how much do I care about you.

In my opinion, friends are more important than couple. You may wonder why is it so. I'll tell you what. I gain safety and self-satisfaction by caring my best friend and people around me. I lack of protection since I was a child. Whenever there is something bad happened, friends always the one that help me solve them. You may feel the way I treat friends is much more better than the way I treat you, I just can say:" Im SORRY my dear..."

Last Saturday night, we went to your best friend's party. When I saw the Poodle, I wanna play with it and yet, you have stopped me from continue playing with it just because it is dirty!!! You made me feel I am a little girl in the party and not your girl friend. You also knew that I can't mix well with other girls and yet, you still wanted me to join their conversation. I will look so stupid if I listen to you and join into their conversation. Can't you feel it? I wanna play ping pong with those guys, but I knew you might not happy with it so I didn't even dare to ask. I have to control myself for not being so rude in the party and even in front of you.

I have a bad conversation with my parents and other family members. I know they just care about me but I feel like I wanna run away from them. I hate family, especially when they concern about moral value and a lot of stuffs that they even can't realize it in life. For what they tell me all the bull shit since they can't even practice it? They always say that they love me, but is it love when a mother's duty is to cook and do all the housework for us and didn't even care about what plays in our mind? This has made up me of nowadays. I rather remain silence than voice out eveything. because everything I said never being bother by anyone in the family. What I think about family is its just a hotel for me to rest and get prepare for tomorrow. I dont even feel family's warm from my parent. This is why I rather be alone than couple. When I am alone, no one will betray me, no one will ignore me, no one will gonna hurt me either. It feels sucks when you have been hurted since you were young. This is why I am here by myself.........

My dog

Few weeks ago, I had let go of my dog, Bibi. After that, I didn't c it at all, until my friend told me that he saw my dog was hanging around Grand Kampar Hotel. Soon, my boy friend and I went there to check it out. As we reached there, I saw it walked around with other dog. At the moment I saw it, I felt so sorry to it. I not a good master. This shouldn't done by a dog lover and I feel shame of myself that I am a dog lover. Let the dog hang around, take the risk that it may be shot by the dog hunter, can't get any food, being chased and bully by other dogs or human... I am so sorry, Bibi. I can't take good care of you and I am not a good master, I have been so selfish and I just let you go and yet, I didn't get you home. Will you blame me? I think you will, you might hate me as well, if you have the mind and can think as human does. If you meet with me in future, I hope you will forget that I am your master once before. I hate myself...

~Confuse~

My dear "brother", since when you have learned all the bad things from your parent? Why do you always let us down? You have failed us. What do you expect from us? Now you are our friends, or enermy? You make me so confuse about our friendship. When I get to know you, you not that kind of person, now you betray our friendship because of your evil parent, how could you do this on us? We just try our best to help you, how could you betray us as easy as you like?

These days I had a thought in my mind, "what kind of changes happened on me? Is it make me a better person or make me becomes even worst?" I don't know about it, I feel I have became much more better, on the other hand, it makes me feel I am another person that I never known but I just don't know what is it. I can't stop thinking of it, I wanna know why and what has caused this changes on me. Is it because of the appearrance of Daniel? Maybe... Hopefully this changes can make my life to a better way.

Dear brother....this is what i gonna tell you now.

It has been 3 months since i knew my dear "brother", I managed to get to know his characteristic but how well do i know about his background? How could i help this fellow without thinking twice? I only done this on him, I know this is crazy. Why am i doing this? There is a lot of people said that i have a mature mind but this time i have lost my mind. To me, i just doing the right thing. He is just a kid whom is running away from the problem, all i want is to help him to face the facts, in the end, i have behaved like his suck parent. This is the time where i should stop, I have done my best for him, now let him faces his fate. I believe everyone has his fate which arranged by God, He wants to test your response when faces life challenges so that He can rearrange your life on how well the life for you. Perhaps this is the time where the God is testing me up. He has arranged the appearanced of my "brother" in my life, which has helped me during my hard time, which want me to be his saver in his life. I learned not to trust others easily in the past, now I learned the boundary of help. By the way, he has a messy and cruel family, my best friend and I have helped him a lot in finance problem but we can't do anything on this, although she wants to help him. I have done my best for him, I have my own life to go with, so this is the time where I stop holding his hand and walk away from him. This is life my dear brother, you must go through it without anyone. You are born alone and you will leave alone, without any companianship, without money, without your body. Now, you are facing the problem by yourself, no one can help you, you have control on your own fate, your life. The only way to control your life is to be taugh, strong in either physically or mentally, think maturally, act like your age, and all the good characteristics that you can think of. Never try to get help from others, they may betray you in future. My advice is just a reference, it depends on you now my dear brother. Wish you all the best in future.

What is love?

Wherever there is love, there will be someone gets hurt. I agree with this. Love is a strange feeling and believe that bring two different persons into a relationship. Love does not consider only two persons, but it also can be family and friends. We can say love to our family, our friends, not just our couple. They respect each other, love each other, do whatever they could just to see a wonderful smile from beloved. On the other hand, there might be someone is getting harm from this relationship, for example, dear brother, best friends, even your beloved may get hurt. There are many things that can't be predicted by human beings. No one will knows what might happen in the next moment, so what can we do now is to do whatever we can for our beloved ones, family, and friends. We may hurt people around us just because we love them, we may use the wrong way to show how much we care about them, normally tragedy will happen in this way. Children run away from home, husband kills wife, terrorists burn up the whole city, this are the cruel ways to show how much they love for their beloved family, couples and country. In the end, many people have sacrificed because of what they believed and loved. No matter what reason they are using, its just an excuse for their mistakes. If they really love for what they believe in, think twice before action.