Dear My Precious Sister

Today, I accidentally read my sister's blog. Everytime I read her blog, it makes me feel I have abandoned her for such a long time and I don't even care much about her life nowadays. Am I a failure sister? I do love her so much, and yet, I don't have much time for her too. Now, what I am doing is only for myself and my future, but not for her. I seldom think of my family it is a fact and this can't be changed in a sudden. It doesn't mean that I don't love my family, it is just so hard for me to voice it out. I spend all my time in work and study and relationship, just to make sure I don't have time to think so much. Just like my sister said, she can't be noticed by other people around her previously, and because of me, she only get other people's notice. She works so hard just to get people's attention to her, she just wants to prove that she can gain all the attention by herself and not because of me. Now, she has proved that she did it and I am so proud of her. The moment I read her blog, I can see myself inside her. I don't know what can I do for her now, I only can say, wish her good luck and work hard for her secondary school life, and don't be a failure sister like me.

I feel so tired and catch a flu today. I wish i could finish work earlier and go back take some rest. Things will never go through the way you want them to be in. Darling, I really have no idea about what had happened on you. There is only one thing that you have showed me, you are angry. I just wanna know what happened, why you refused to let me know? Do you still remember what you have promised me on the day you came back from Singapore? You promised that you will tell me anything, whether you are sad, happy or angry, and yet, you just shut up and bang the door rather than sharing your trouble with me. Am I that useless for you to talk with? Maybe I am, at least you shot me for a reason instead of shot me blind and let me dead for nothing. I just wanna know what is wrong with you because I care about you, because i love you. I wanna protect you from anything that could harm you. 

You broke my heart rather than sharing your anger with me. You will never know when my tears dropped, you will never know when my heart broke, you will never know how much harm you have caused to me. Sometimes I will think of leaving you for a short period, so that I would know how important am I to you. But, I cant do that. "I cant leave you. Without you in my life, it is empty again." Do you still remember these sentence? Every time I feel upset or lonely, I will read this. You will never know how much support that it brought to me when I am alone and desperate for support. 

The most important thing in my life is I need to feel safe all the time and I need to be protected all the time. Did you ever notice these? I really upset when you don't wanna talk to me or when you get angry, because these are the moments where you will ignore me as I am an annoying bug to you. My tears will only drop for you, please appreciate every drop of tears from me. There is not much tears left in my eyes. Tears will dry out someday. I think that is the day where we shall say good bye to each other. I don't want to see that happened in our relationship. 

时间流逝

今天是你不在的第一个星期，我已经累倒了。虽然很累，但是还不想睡觉，看来我真的想把我自己给累坏了，再等你回来疼我。忙着做工的我，常常忘记时间的存在。忘记睡觉的时间，忘记想你的时间，忘记留时间给自己。今天，我又一天一夜没有睡觉了，等下还要急需做工。开始觉得累了，厌倦了，想休息了。

三个星期

三个星期，对你来说，代表了什么？

三个星期，对我来说，代表了什么？

三个星期，你会觉得，那只不过是时间

对我来说，它，代表着寂寞。

在这三个星期里，我除了做工和玩，就是在想你。

无时无刻都在想你，这感觉，很辛苦。

到底我是累了？还是没有勇气继续与寂寞纠缠？

Third Day Without you

I go back home today. I like to see my family but not placing myself in their shoes. I can't stay in the house that is full of noise and people as I will feel packed and headache.Maybe I get used to a quiet room without any disturbance and under air-conditioned. Nothing feels better than staying at such a quiet and comfort room like this.

Darling always mention the importance of family in our life, it seems I haven't understand the message inside it. I still the same girl that you know, never appreciate family's role in my life. Until now, I still don't like my family and I don't wanna stay at this home for more than 24 hours. To you, I may be a cruel family member. You might ask, how could you treat your family like this? My answer is: You might have understand my role as the eldest in the family, but you will never understand my growing way. I have been brought up like this, so this is what am I today.

This is the third day without darling staying around with me, this feels abit tough for me to continue living. No matter what it takes, life still goes on and I must live in an interesting way so that I can wait for him to come back to me. Love you darling. good night everyone.

Second Day Without you

Tonight, is another lonely night perhaps. Without you, without hug, without your snooring, what I have now is my tears and a heart that is missing you all the time.I just think that at this moment, I suppose to go to bed and sleep and yet, I cant sleep. Maybe I have been too dependable on you. Although I can go on my life without you, that is not enough for me to carry on a meaningful life. Working is the only way to forget my love to you. I just focus on work and I cant even smile. My smile shown is just an expression and not from the bottom of my heart. I have no feeling when I smile. Smile is just a tool for me to express my respect to customers and friends and to undercover myself.

The End of 2nd Sem 2010 - First day Without you

Finally, it has reached the end of the 2nd sem in 2010. I am wondering how is my result for this semester. I know I didn't do well in this semester as I only pay attention to other activities rather than studying. The day has come, whereby the most important person in my life will leave me for around 20 days, I just wondering how am I gonna pass these days without him.

After the final exam, I just focus on working  and take care of my beloved puppy, Sora. She is a normal dog and yet, she is super naughty and a nature destroyer which cause a lot of troubles to me. I can't say anything because she is my beloved puppy after all. I think this is the difference between this sem break and the previous sem break.

There is another question that I won't like to think or face, that is my darling will leave me for 3 weeks because he wants to go back to his home. Here comes the questions. First, what am I suppose to do in these 3 weeks? Go work. come back and clean the dog cage, watch drama for awhile and sleep. Wake up the next morning and go work and repeat the same routine again and again until my darling come back to me. Secondly, am I stupid to think all the nonsense stuff? Just like tonight, my housemate and best friend talk the mysterious stuff to me since they knew I will sleep alone starting from tonight. Oh my god...how am I gonna sleep like this? I scare of loneliness, darkness and all those mysterious stuff. I can't sleep for the first night without you, how about the rest of the nights? I don't know and I don't care, just sleep then...I guess.

The next thing is I will wait for you to come back, either day by day or week by week, just want to let you know I still in a good life. Maybe this sounds silly, and yet, this is me. May our love long last forever. Love you darling.

Exhausted

Recently, I don't really have much time to rest or sleep. i only focus on work and press conference. Once again, I ignore my personally life, especially to my beloved one. Sometimes, I wish I could have more time for me in a day so that I can do anything I want and it is always enough time for me to rest, work and play. To you, I may be silly. Why I always like to make my life so hard? I work because I don't want to depend on my family in finance. I study because I don't want them to disappoint on me. Most of the time, I feel like I want to run away from my life and be another person in certain sense. There is many pressure come from nowhere that keep on telling me what am I suppose to do and what not to do. Study, work and family, makes me tired and exhausted.

There are many times where I wanted to help in assignments but somehow, I never feel like I am part of it. Maybe it is my problem for being stranger in the community, it is partially my fault for excluding myself to mix with the community. Is it because of my looking? Why my look always be the resistance for me to mix around? I admit that I look ego, in fact, it is not my fault to have such a face.

After working and studying for few weeks, I totally exhausted. What I need now is to have good rest after the mob press conference and get myself out of work, I want to go travel.

你知道吗？我的泪

当我孤独的时候，你知道吗?



当我被你忽略了，你知道吗?


当我需要被关心，你知道吗?


当我需要你的爱，你知道吗?


你都不知道，因为你不曾在乎


我所需要的，对我来说，有多重要



你常以自我为中心，而我则在你旁边轴自转


我已经转得天翻地覆，却得不到你的倾睬


转得累了，心疲力尽，无法再绕着你转了


天地已经到了尽头，我也随之消失于黑洞里


我消失的那一刻，你可曾发现？我的泪

What Is Leader?

At this stage, I do believe everyone is the leader of himself or herself, and yet, at the same time, they are also a leader of others, either in their study, working or family life. Everyone has the ability to be a leader, but how to become an effective and efficient leader?

From what I have studied in Team Building before, leader is the person which has the social ability to influence others to follow his foot step or order to do or act under his command. according to Alan Keith, leadership is the ultimate way to create a new path for people to contribute in certain things in order to make extraordinary stuff or miracle to happen. It also means the leader has the responsibility in organizing people to work together and how to achieve the goal together, too. At the same time, a leader knows how to take care of his team mates and not just only take them as tools to achieve the company's goal or the leader's goal.

Take me as an example, I ain't a good leader because I don't have the ability to do so. This has been proved since I had the first and second meeting with my teammates. What I did was trying to force them to focus on our issue and not used my heart to hear what they wanted to say. I understand that everyone is being nervous towards his or hers assignments, so do I. I was just trying to make our job easier and in fact, it has proved me wrong. A good leader will listen to his team's mind and not just focus on tasks and goals. I admit I ain't a good leader. So, I decided to be the leader of myself only. I believe I will be a successful leader of the society in some day in future.

Here, I want to say "Thank you" to my friends who tell me what am I facing from my teammates because you have given me a clear looking on my own and the team itself. Now, I know what they want and I will step back from the front line. Let the new leader to give the order. I can understand it if there is someone might say I am a coward because I don't dare to take the challenge. What can I say here is, My friend, this ain't about am I a coward or not, it is about how I respect myself as a leader of the team and myself.

大海

曾经何时
我听过这首歌

大海 杨培安


从那遥远海边
慢慢消失的你
本来模糊的脸
竟然渐渐清晰
想要说些什么
又不知从何说起
只有把它放在心里

茫然走在海边
看那潮来潮去
徒劳无功想把
每朵浪花记清
想要说声爱你
却被吹散在风里
猛然回头你在哪里

如果大海能够
唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事
你已不再留恋
就让它随风飘远

如果大海能够
带走我的哀愁
就像带走一条河流
所有受过的伤
所有流过的泪
我的爱
已全部带走


在这首歌里，表达了对爱情的绝望。在对某段的爱情感到绝望和气馁，大海起了很好的作用来把所有的悲伤带入海的怀抱。作者引用了大海作为爱情的结束，就像大海把全部的河流牵引至它的怀抱。大海本一望无际，绝望由此而生，也在此结束。用此来结束某段爱情，再贴切不过。

Time Flys

It has been awhile for not being here. Recently I am busy with my first chinese orchestra concert in UTAR and new subjects that I am taking now. There is many things to learn and so much to do at a time, I feel very stressful and exhausted. To me, all this efford will bring me the achievement in future, all I need now is my intention to work on them and be patient. I do believe hard work will bring me good achievement.


Time flys without my notification. This is the eleventh month since we get together. There are many things happened within this period, all the happiness, sadness and misunderstandings have brought us into another level of the relationship. All these have made us grew up and stabalize our relationship. The more time we spend time together, the more my love to you darling.


Usually, we seldom tell each other how much is our love, maybe this is the only reason why we seldom talk to each other. I prefer to be your listener, one and the only one. I like to hear your voice, this is why I remain silence all the time. I know you want me to talk with you, but I really can't talk much when I am with you. I know I have very little time for you everyday because I have to spend a lot of time for other stuffs, and I am so sorry about this darling. This is also another reason why I like to listen to you rather than talking with you.


Here is the end for this blog, I jz want to tell everyone here that read my blog how much is my love to you. Love you always darling.

Starting 2nd sem of Year one in PR course

After study at UTAR for two and a half years, finally i managed to score above 3.0 in cgpa. Now, I have started my second semester in PR course, hopefully I manage to maintain such a good result. In this sem, I need to prepare for chinese orchestra concert. For your information, this is the first time for the UTAR chinese orchestra unit to organize a concert and it has been long time for me to perform in a concert. During sem break, I attended everyday's practice from 9am til 4pm, just to practice and prepare ourselves for the concert. This is not as same as the previous concerts that I attended in secondary school, so I need to be prepared and do my best for the concert.

Tell you guys something. I am learning how to play "World of Warcraft" (WOW) from my bf and housemates. My bf has suit my character with the best gear and equipments and yet, I am still a newbie to this game, thus, I need a lot of training to catch up with them. It is a tough task for me as a noob gamer and for someone that don't know about WOW. Today is my second day for playing WOW and also the first time to play with my bf and housemates. I feel like I am a burden for them because I barely catch up with their steps and it is quite tough for me to play with such a good character. Oh well...everything has its starting point to start with, right?

On the other hand, because of WOW, I start losing self confidence because I really stress out. I play WOW because of my bf. I just want to get into his world and be with him all the time, but I knew it will never happened. Sometimes, I might think of boycourt WOW and stop my bf from playing it. I never stop him from doing anything that he likes, as long as he has time for me, but not like I am staying in the room with him and do nothing. This makes me feel boring and don't know what to do and start thinking nonsense. Maybe I am thinking and talking nonsense again....I had what girls wanted all the time, what else that I am asking for? There should be nothing...

心痛

你能够对我坦白，我很开心。到头来你的坦白却换来我们之间的吵架和愤怒，我知道是我小气，我没有肚量去接受这事实。那是因为我只在乎你一个，你是属于我的，我不希望有人把你抢走。你可能有听过“有一种爱叫做放手”，如果真的有一天，这天真的到来，我不知道我会不会把我的手放开。你曾经放开我的手，我很庆幸那时的我没有选择放开。今天，面对同样的情况，我还是不会放手的。虽然我的心好痛，我很不喜欢有别的女生接近你，因为我不想失去你。你是我的全部，因为你，我学会把我爱的人放在第一位。我真的很感谢你对我的坦白，只是我无法承受这犹如一把刀往我心里刺的心痛。你的一举一动，都能够影响我的心情，甚至是一生的幸福。从你的身上，我学会了把自己稳定下来，尽量不要再放纵自己。只有你，才会让我改变得如此之快，也如此温驯。我只会为你而改，我只会为你而活，我只会为你而爱。

FIrst Sem Break For 2010

Finally it has come to the end of the first semester, this is the moment that every student is waiting for. Usually what will a student do in holiday? Work as part timer? Stay at home? Go for vacation? This is life, lets make it more interesting! I don't know how you guys spend your holiday, I'll just tell you mine. To me, it is my life and I'm happy with it.

As usual, I work at DDS, which is one of the cyber cafe in Kampar. In fact, I am a runner for both DDS and Khakabo.Working is tiring me, but I am happy to work with them because I get to know more people and I even meet my friends that have not been seeing for a period. Another reason why I work at cyber cafe is because the working time is more flexible and I can make time adjustment between my study and working time. Although the wage is not high, it is just enough for my rental.

At the last week of the sem break, I will be even busy and tired. Why? Because I need to attend chinese orchestra camp from 25-29th May, from 9am til 4pm, then I need to work from 4pm til 12am. You may think I am crazy and I admit it, this is the only way for me not to think too much when I am alone. I hate to be home alone.

You may ask, how about my home? I can say, I don't want to go back, it is like jail, that's why I don't like to go home. Why would I say home is like a jail? This is because mum seldom let me go out and I only do nothing at home but online until I wanna vomit. Another thing is they seldom talk to me nicely. I have to make it clear that all my family members are grumpy person, including me, sometimes they make me feel like I live in jail because of their way of speaking and grumpy personality. I just wanna run away from it. Family is important, but I am sorry that I not that kind of person which can stay at home for 24 hours everyday. I need my life and freedom. They never understand how I feel, or maybe not, god knows.

At last, I will go for vacation to Cameron Highland next week. MUAHAHAHAHA. This is the first time I am going vacation with my bf and classmates since I study at UTAR 2 years ago. I still planning where to go and what to do. There is many things to do and yet, so little time for me to do all of them, I just can say, have fun then. Life is short and lets us appreciate what we have at the moment. Enjoy your time and HAPPY HOLIDAY MY FRIENDS! =P

世界上最爱你的人，也是世界上最伤心的人

我知道你能够看得懂我接下来要写的文章，我不敢奢望在你看了这文章后会有回头的一刻，我只希望你能够清楚知道我在想什么，我想要的是什么。


可能你和我都不曾想过咱们会走在一起，究竟是什么让我们走在一起？相信你我心中都没有答案，但是我们都相信彼此心中的感觉。彼此都是爱着对方的，所以才会想让彼此存在于各自的世界里，因为只有让对方活在自己的世界里，才能用自己的全部来保护对方，不让他受伤。当自己爱上一个人时，心里只想着要如何让他时刻都开心，而不会让他伤心。人非神圣，总会有犯错的时候，也会有情绪的。当你犯了错，我只会心痛，我不会骂你，不管是什么错，我都会原谅你，包容你所做的一切，甚至把全部不开心的事全忘掉。可能有的人会说我这么做是在逃避，我只能告诉全部人，我这么做是让我们的生活更轻松，不会有任何的负担，生活才会更好过，不是吗？


爱一个人，并不需要他的甜言蜜语，也不需要任何付出的证明书，只要心里是爱着彼此的，就已经足够了。既然我已经打开心房的门让你进去成为其中的一分子，就表示我已经全面接受你所有的弱点和优点。你不会说的甜言蜜语，我帮你说。你想要做的事，我会想办法去完成。这就是我爱你的方式。我和你一样，都是不善于表达的人，我只能通过行动来表示。很傻是吗？你也是如此的，不是吗？


不知不觉，我们在一起快要一年了。此时此刻你说你不曾告诉我你有多爱我，但是我都能知道你的爱有多深。时间长了，相处的日子长了，彼此都了解对方的性格与脾气，很多时候都会变得沉默寡言，彼此都不会特地去表达心中所想。可是很多时候，误会，就是这样产生的。可能我是属于比较静的人，而你也不会特意的表达心中的想法，所以误会才会发生吧。


不管怎么说，我们都是受过伤的人，保护自己是本能反应。任何人都会想要被爱，任何人都会想要爱上其他人。刚开始我们都是战战兢兢的爱，到后来是放开怀抱来爱，这过程是需要时间的，慢慢来，好吗？你总是爱对我说些傻话，我也一笑置之。因为你的傻话，我知道你爱我。世界上最爱你的人，也是世界上最开心、最伤心的人，认同吗？

看了妹妹的部落格，才知道自己忽略了许多事

看了妹妹的部落格，才知道自己忽略了许多事

自己曾经忽略了心爱的人的一举一动
就连自己曾经经历的一切都忘掉
我不是有意去把全部事情都忘掉
只是潜意识里帮我做了个决定
它， 让我的生活更轻松

一生当中难免会有被我们遗忘的人或事
就在乎它会在什么时候被勾起
有开心的，也有悲伤的
不要被身边的事约束着
敢做敢当  生活才会更精彩
被身边事物约束着的生活 犹如被囚禁
每日规规矩矩的生活  活在只属于自己的世界
这样的生活  犹如行尸走肉 不要也罢

身边被忽略的事
无非是曾经自己最在意的事

难忘的一幕

在台上的我
有点傲慢


在台上的你
有点孩子气


在台下的我
漫无边际
流浪在人海中
眼睛始终离不开
在台上的你


在台下的你
犹如孩子般
玩得不亦乐乎
像个大孩子般
台上台下的你
不知是否也有留意到
站台下    我的眼光


在台下的我
时刻都在留意着
你的一举一动
你的表情
无意中渐渐钩起以往的回忆
不知你是否也是有同感？

迷惑

爱情，让人欢喜，让人忧愁。它所带来的，不仅是欢乐，还夹着悲伤。感情，涉及两个截然不同的世界。它拥有神奇的力量，能够让两个人互相分享他们的世界，同时也能够摧毁两个人的世界。幸福，能够让一个人沉迷于它的甜蜜，令人难以自拔。就像染上毒瘾，一旦没有了幸福，那他就会像吸毒者那样痛不欲生。在这三者当中，共存在着一个共同点，就是要如何准确的衡量当中的成分，才能让自己不会深陷其中呢？相信在很多人的心中都没有办法衡量出来。



举个例子，我看着叔叔打行动不便的爷爷，只因为爷爷一直在拿二十年前他借钱给叔叔的事说个不停。当时的我心里真的很害怕，即使我有勇气能够当在爷爷面前不让叔叔继续打他，可是这事让我对这个家彻底的失望。当一个家庭里，姐妹吵架时，往往是水火不容的，可是过后就会和好如初。这是因为她们都知道，彼此就是这么存在着，就在这一辈子，彼此的身上都存有彼此的影子。她们会与彼此分享她们的世界，同时又不会伤害到彼此。可是为什么有些时候彼此之间又会吵得面红耳侧呢？当中的原因不过是为了钱财和感情的纠纷而无法作出妥协，进而摧毁整个家庭的和谐，这又何苦呢？


家庭的不和谐，会让下一代养成叛逆与负面的性格，例如脾气暴躁、出言顶撞父母和不想回家。家长只会怪孩子的不孝顺，可是他们有没有想过要和孩子好好沟通？在东方国家，很少家庭能够做到坦诚对白，因为他们从小就在孩子心中印下了父母威严的样子，令孩子不敢坦诚相对。要如何才能够解决这问题呢？这又是一个很深的学问，相信很少人能够领悟当中的无穷的学问吧。


当一个男生遇上一个让他倾心的女生时，他会想尽办法让她对他多看一眼。他也会想尽办法，让女士喜欢上他。如果那女生答应与他交往，这就是最朴素的爱情，也是最短暂的爱情，因为这时的他们正沉迷于感情的甜蜜，缺少成熟处理事情的脑袋，往往这时候的恋人都是意气用事的，进而做了让自己一辈子都后悔的事情。这又是为了什么呢？何苦让自己那么的狼狈？

当一个女生和一个成熟且懂得尊重女生的男生在一起，这会是很甜蜜且窝心的感情，同时也是最空虚的感情。通常这种男生的事业心很重，很多时候他的心思都会放在女生以外的事物上。虽然这男生很会讨女生的芳心，但是他有没有想过女生往往就只想要他一个人的全部的注意力？哪怕只是一个吻、一个简单的拥抱、一个 笑容，都足以让她开心一整天。这点男生又知不知道呢？很多时候男生只会说他们无法理解女生的心里到底在想什么，那么他们又有没有尝试让女生进入他们的心里了解他们的想法呢？


沉默，往往是最好的武器。它可以让人与人之间产生纠纷，让情况一发不可收拾。沉默，往往被拿来作吵架时的武器，这让双方的局面变得僵硬，彼此都无法下阶。试问问什么要保持沉默？为了保全自己的利益？还是给彼此一个冷静的机会？我也不知道，因为我也是沉默的拥护者。可能这就是造成迷惑的诞生吧。

雨天

雨
随着心情而下
仿佛在流着泪
向大地倾诉

泪
随着心情而下
仿佛在诉说着
无穷无尽的伤

雨水
能够自嫩大地
能够随意倾泻

泪水
能够舒缓情绪
能够刺激伤口

雨水与泪水
多少都有相同之处
只是所想的立场就不同

各有褒贬
各有利弊
视乎你要怎样去看待

爱情里的距离

从来就只有恋上不回家的人
而没有恋上不爱自己的人
情侣之间不该存有的距离
在默默地浮现
似乎在暗示着我该小心了
危机已潜伏在我们俩当中
究竟这是一朝的促成？
还是考验我们的时候到了？
是我自己多心了？
还是事实便是如此？

彼此的心里还存有对方
只是彼此都无言以对
是面子的问题？
还是时间的问题？
繁忙的生活让我们疏远
彼此都渴望被关心
但 有谁能够做到？

乱乱想的我

好不容易熬到晚上了，心理总是惦记着我心爱的人，想在他的怀里撒娇。这看起来很容易的事，对我而言，有够遥远的。最近，在出门前，我都会突然想起他说过的话，他是多么希望我可以在出门前亲吻他一下。我看着他睡觉的样子，不知不觉就给他一个轻轻的吻，这下子我才发现，原来在出门前给自己心爱的人一个吻是一件多么幸福的事。原本以为今天我不用做工至深夜，我就有时间陪陪他，我比他早一步到家，突然间收到他的简讯，他说他会迟点回，要我先睡，我当下傻了一下，然后就感觉鼻子酸溜溜的。算了吧，反正这也不是第一次了。。。可能是这之前我曾经忽略他了吧。。。天晓得。

这整个星期我觉得自己当上了强人了，自信不知从何而来，我除了工作还是工作。在别人面前我是这么一个强人，但是我连在他面前也得装作强人了，理由无他，就是要让他放心。我可不想让他知道我也会有小气的时候。当然，有时我的小气也是有点无理的。突然之间脑袋闪过无数个想法，有合理的，也有莫名其妙的，有好的，也有坏的。在这个星期里我已经学会了不要依靠他的肩膀，我最好还是做回以前那个好胜、独立的我吧。

睡到一半

今天的我特别的累, 不是因为工作太累, 因为睡眠不足. 最近的天气是怎么了? 干吗热得像被火烤啊? 晚上根本就无法睡觉嘛. 本来呢我一冲完凉就往床上倒了, 谁知道我总是在半睡半醒, 无法入睡, 到现在都不能睡, 惨...

今天能陪我男朋友的时间又少了, 不懂他在干吗...在上课吗? 今天的我脾气特别暴躁, 我的同事又挨骂了, 真的对不起啦, 我无法控制自己. 原本以为放工过后就可以陪他了, 没料到坐在他身旁的人竟然不是我, 挺失望的. 我只能坐到他的身后, 惦记着他, 总是在想, 到底今天的我到底是怎么了? 好好的怎么就吃醋了?

电脑, 我不会怪你的出现, 但是我却无法改变我对你的敌意, 因为你总是把我最重要的人都要霸占. 我本以为回家后他就会好好的疼我, 关心我, 可以让我对他撒撒娇, 你为什么要出问题? 你为什么要让他担心你? 我不能吃醋, 因为你是电脑, 你是死的, 我是活的, 我们的地位不一样. 他对你是依赖, 他对我是爱. 他总是觉得我爱拿其他事物来比较, 而且全部的事物与人都对他有着不同的意思及感情, 我想我真的不能再酱下去, 不然我一定会疯掉.

无言时刻

究竟读书是为了什么？书，真的能够当饭吃吗？

这个问题，我想每个人都有想过吧。有的人读书，说是为了求取知识；有的人读书，说是为了胡口饭吃；有的人读书，说是父母逼的。我是属于后者，我读书是奉父母之命而读的。

这期的考试成绩不理想，我不能继续升学，必须重新再选择新的科系来念。现在的我犹如迷途羔羊，我不想读书，但是不能不读，在众多的科系里徘徊，叫我从哪里开始选择？只要这次我做的决定是错的，那我就完了，我肯定会被家人教训一番。

你们有没有了解我的意念？你们有没有真正懂我在想什么？我知道我不能只怪你们的不了解，因为我也不了解你们。说是家人，不如说是同居的人。人就是这样，永远只会把自己认为对的事物与想法强加在他人身上，我何尝不是呢？俗语有一句话：要改变别人，先要改变自己。我要到什么时候才能改变现有的状况？

孩子与父母

平白无辜就和老爸骂架,心里怪不好受的.俗语说:"天下父母心是一样的" 说的就是每个父母的心都是向着孩子的.但是作为孩子的父母,他们有没有尝试在站孩子的立场想想到底孩子的心是怎么想的,孩子想从父母那里得到什么呢? 我觉得应该有很少的父母能够做到这点吧,起码我的父母做不到.
父母总是觉得只要能够给到孩子最好的教育,那就是对他们作了最好的安排,孩子还不懂事,不知道什么对他好,什么对他不好.虽然说孩子会任性,但是他们也有他们的想法和感觉,深为父母的你们可不可以不要把自己的观点强加在孩子身上?你们这么做真的是为了他好吗?有问过孩子喜欢吗?唯一孩子能做的就是尽量讨好父母的欢心,这样他们才能在家待下去,在家才有立足的余地.其实在这事的背后,孩子的泪,你们有看到吗?
请偶尔回头看看孩子,他们只想得到你们的爱,你们的称赞,不要让他们的努力给浪费了好吗?请珍惜孩子为你们所做的一切好吗?哪怕只是一句谢谢也足够...

A Whole New Year

2010 New Year, I spent this day at Kampar with my colleagues and friends, but still feel like something is missing. Kampar New town is full of people, waiting for the year 2010 to come. When I saw couples holding each other and wish each other Happy New Year, I feel so lonely.


The next week, I have spent a whole noon with my best friend. She has some relationship problem and I can't do anything but to tell her not to think so much. I feel myself is so much lucky because I got a bf that love me all the time, missing me at somewhere in the world. We live inside each other's heart, never leave each other alone in the world.


The 3rd week of the sem break, I come back kampar again. There will be a lion eyes dotting ceremony for utar wushu club at utar. This week I have to cycle to utar everyday. Although this is quite tired, but it is good for diet. Other than that, I also have to go back work because there is not enough staff for 2 cyber cafes and perhaps I am the only one that they can find here to do the work.  To me, it is the best solution of thinking nonsense. Somehow, I have a sleepness night because I have some misunderstanding with my bf. Guess I have said the wrong thing that has hurt him so deep. No matter what, I can't force him to make a choice between family and lover, although I hope to be more selfish than him. Like he said, the love to family and lover are different. To me, love to their lover is suppose to be unique, everyone would like to be the number one and the only one in each other's heart. How could I jealous? Maybe I will never get a chance to be his number one until the day we get married, or seperate, who knows? What am I thinking now? I also don't know, may be this is what we called feeling unsecure when somebody is not around.

It seems like I catch a cold, my nose is blocked, start coughing, tired all the time. Still need to go kl with my aunt this saturday, don't know I can come back on time for the lion dance. I hate to be alone because I will think nonsense but somehow, I enjoy to be alone because I just do what I wanna do. I think thats the difference of staying at home and outside the home.