2014-Horse Year, Bad Beginning of the year

2014, supposed to be a new year with new hopes, new wishes, new environment and everything starts new. It is a year where all the challenges come and I shall learn on how to face them.
January 2014, I start my internship at a hotel. This is my first time working in a hotel and I am totally new to the hotel. I enter without any relevant study background, learn everything as fast as I could. Luckily, I managed to pick up everything within a month. Colleagues and manager are nice, being friendly, always share their previous working experiences with me and teach me patiently. I know I am not a fast learner and I try my best to pick up everything being taught to me. I feel so glad that I have a bunch of friendly and helpful colleagues.

This is also the time when it tests on my relationship. We never been seperated for so long and it is hard for us to meet up with each other since he is working at Singapore right now. I always feel lonely even though I am staying with family. Maybe you will say that I should be glad that I still have family by my side, but still, I don't like staying with family. 我已经习惯了自己在外面生活，突然间搬回家里感觉很奇怪。在家里，有很多东西和地方好像变得很陌生了，感觉上这不是我的家了。

I believe that I have did my best during my internship period. But, somehow, I still got complaint from hotel guest. I really do not remember what did I say on that day. What I can recall is I did not say any rude or unprofessional words or sentences to guest. But if I really did say it, I apologized and signed on the counselling letter already. It depends on the management's decision whether I can stay until my internship ends or they will terminate my internship. Hope fully they will allow me to continue my internship at the hotel until my intern ends. 难听的说一句，你不想看到我，同样的我也不想要看到你。在我面前说一套，在我背后却做另外一套。是谁答应我说那不会影响到我的实习，我才会签下那张白痴的信？是谁信口旦旦的告诉我你相信我，你会没事的，我才会天真的相信你这个无耻之徒？

What will happen if I failed my internship now? Graduation will be delayed, my study report will get bad comment, have to repeat internship and waste another RM1.5k and 3 months time. I not that stupid until I will ruin my own internship. Why all the evidences pointed at me? That makes me sound like I am lying to the whole world and nobody trusted me.  All I requested is your trust, and yet, you chose to lie to me and betray my trust.If death can clean the charges on me, I will jump down from the 20th floor of the building without a doubt and I shall curse you and hunt you down to hell with me and suffer the way I do.

学不会珍惜

曾经，有个傻瓜喜欢着笨蛋
傻瓜为了博得他的注意力费了好多功夫
终于，傻瓜的努力有了成果
两个人在一起过着很开心的日子

曾经， 为了很多芝麻绿豆的事而吵架
曾经，为了自己的面子而与对方争执不下
曾经，为了他而改变自己
曾经，为了陪他而不顾自己的作息
曾经，为了自己的面子而失去了他
曾经的付出，在此时此刻
已经不能发挥作用了

有很多时候，彼此都自以为很了解对方
口口声声说所做的事情都是为了对方
总是以为对方肯定会了解自己的心意
然而，事情并不像想象中般的发展
误会不断的在彼此之间冒出个头
彼此却错失了为自己辩解的机会
从而让关系变得如此脆弱

误会是如此的强大
它能够摧毁一段美好的感情
它能够摧毁好好的一个人
从而让他从此不再振作

此景不在，事过变迁，
人士亦非，回头太难
过去的，再也不能扭转乾坤
现在的，再也不能续前缘
唯有痛恨自己永远学不会珍惜

郁闷中的日子

我有多希望我是个能干的人。我知道你现在正在为了你的事业而忙着，你求才若渴，我想帮你可是我却无能为力。我恨自己的无能，也恨自己的自卑心太重。我知道自己的学习能力有限，也不能同时吸收太多的资讯。我总是觉得我一直在追着你的步伐，可是我一直在掉拍子。我很怕有一天我会跟不上你的脚步而离开你，真的很怕这情况会发生。

要怎么才能够帮得上忙的呢？我也只能不闹别扭，乖乖的呆在家或者做平时该做的事。在我的手头上我还有很多工作未完成，我很不愿意去地做，即使明天要交功课了，我还是不愿意做。到底我想要逃避到什么时候啊？

日子还是得过的，总不能每天都愁眉苦脸的阿，到时候他也会被我给气到跑掉了。每天早上起身，我都会对着镜子说：“我刚睡醒的样子真恐怖阿。。。又要开始新的一天了，忙忙碌碌的过了这一天，晚上早点回家休息吧。” 从厕所出来，换掉睡衣，就出门了，有很多时候我还是会问问自己：“我到底是为了什么而忙呢？” 可我很喜欢这样的生活，因为我把一天的行程排得满满的，让自己忙着，就不会有空闲的时间去胡思乱想。说到底，这一切都是我涌来逃避现实的借口而已。

cloudy night

there are many incidents happened at the beginning of the year. until now, i really cannot digest them all. everything seems to be arranged and it comes accordingly. maybe God wants to test me at the moment. i don't know and i am totally lost. where should i go? what should i do? i keep thinking the same question again and again and yet, i cannot figure it out. what am i doing now is to keep myself busy so that i dont have time to think about it. all i want to do for this year is to graduate at the end of the year, get myself a job and forget the past. i know this takes time and i know what is going on around me, just that i refuse to face the reality. pain will never leave once it is there, i know i should stop the pain but how? keep on thinking nonsense wouldn't help but i really don't know what else can i do.

玩电玩的生活

上个学期还过得蛮好的，轻轻松松，读书的时候读书，做工的时候做工，感觉还不错。

这个学期开始把时间排的满满的，读书、做工和玩电玩。说实在的，自己还不是很习惯这崭新的生活，总是觉得时间不够花。是自己的能力不足呢，还是爱面子而逞强？玩电玩嘛。。。对它一窍不通。不管我多努力的去练习，总是觉得自己做得不够好，还会拖累别人。很多时候我都会在想：不如退出吧？我一直不断的在强逼着自己去玩，是为了什么？这无形中带给自己很大的压力，也不知道要如何去面对自己，一心只想逃避这压力。

新的学期，有着很多功课要赶，有太多的事情要处理，可惜我什么也很难办成。如果说我是要证明我的存在价值而把全部的责任往肩上杠，你说得没错。我所做的一切，就是要证明我也可以和你一样有本事。人不是万能的，可我就是要当个万能的人。这个嘛。。。发白热梦就好了，别放在心上吧。也只能这样说服自己熬过这关吧。。。

To be Loved Again

Am I just being too sensitive? Or I am just being too naive?
I admit that I am an attention seeker, not from anybody but you
Only you that I care about, I hope for the equal amount of attention that I have given to you
Only you, my beloved one, has the right to interfere my emotion, my mind, my soul
And that is only you  I care about, nobody else
Is it a necessary to leave me alone and do your own stuff?
You might think that everything you did is wrong to me,in fact, it doesn't
I do not mind what you want to do or where you want to go
or who you want to talk with, it is none of my business
The only thing I care about is how much you love me and show it to me
All I want is show your love to me and I will be able to feel safe all the time
Just don't leave me alone and focus on your stuff
Please do not make me feel that I am all by myself although you're besides me
I might not be able to share your interest, I might not be able to give any opinion to you
Although I know nothing about your world, I still willing to stay in your world and try to accept all
because it is part of you and I know it cant be separated from your life
I might not be the most important person in your heart
But please, try to make me feel I am important to you by showing it
Your action is the best encouragement for me to carry on my journey to catch up with your foot step
I dont need a pro gamer, I only need a lover, from you
To you, you might think that you have done good enough to me
Try to think of it, when is the last time you kiss me? when is the last time you hug me nicely?
When is the last time you flirt with me? When and when, is the last time you said you love me?
All these are simple actions, and yet, it carries huge meaning to me
It shows your love and your attention to me, just show it to me
Like you used to do it at the beginning of our relationship, make me feel love again and all time
I know I have been annoying on this issue, but that is all I want, not materialistic, just you
My love~ you are my everything. I dont care how much I need to sacrifice just for you to say I love you
I shall wait, until the day
I give up on this once most precious relationship and the most important man in my life

多管闲事的结果

难道这次是我太冲动了吗？还是我太多管闲事了？
难道这次真的是我下错了决定吗？
我的苦心，都是为了大局着想，
难道这也算是一种错吗？
要说错，我做得最错的决定就是通知你
一个人有多重要，不是在意他的身份
而是旁人如何看待他
他的存在，是否有意义，
除了当事人的个人修养、资历和性格
还是旁人决定要如何看待他
没有人想要无端端被别人憋得一肚子气
也没有人愿意把事情做得太绝情
你可以说我可以选择不要去理会别人的说法
我的出发点是为了大局着想
既然我能够把道理说通了，你却觉得我不尊重你的话
对不起，我已经尽力了
既然你怪我们多事，你也不能怪我们对你无情
是你看不起我们处理事情的手法
你也不想想，当初我们会想到要找你商量事情
是因为我们觉得你的意见比较中立
也想询问你对事情的看法和见解，
没想到你会觉得如此委屈
以后大家就各走各路，你也看不见我们这眼中钉，心头刺
这样，你开心吗？