To be Loved Again

Am I just being too sensitive? Or I am just being too naive?
I admit that I am an attention seeker, not from anybody but you
Only you that I care about, I hope for the equal amount of attention that I have given to you
Only you, my beloved one, has the right to interfere my emotion, my mind, my soul
And that is only you  I care about, nobody else
Is it a necessary to leave me alone and do your own stuff?
You might think that everything you did is wrong to me,in fact, it doesn't
I do not mind what you want to do or where you want to go
or who you want to talk with, it is none of my business
The only thing I care about is how much you love me and show it to me
All I want is show your love to me and I will be able to feel safe all the time
Just don't leave me alone and focus on your stuff
Please do not make me feel that I am all by myself although you're besides me
I might not be able to share your interest, I might not be able to give any opinion to you
Although I know nothing about your world, I still willing to stay in your world and try to accept all
because it is part of you and I know it cant be separated from your life
I might not be the most important person in your heart
But please, try to make me feel I am important to you by showing it
Your action is the best encouragement for me to carry on my journey to catch up with your foot step
I dont need a pro gamer, I only need a lover, from you
To you, you might think that you have done good enough to me
Try to think of it, when is the last time you kiss me? when is the last time you hug me nicely?
When is the last time you flirt with me? When and when, is the last time you said you love me?
All these are simple actions, and yet, it carries huge meaning to me
It shows your love and your attention to me, just show it to me
Like you used to do it at the beginning of our relationship, make me feel love again and all time
I know I have been annoying on this issue, but that is all I want, not materialistic, just you
My love~ you are my everything. I dont care how much I need to sacrifice just for you to say I love you
I shall wait, until the day
I give up on this once most precious relationship and the most important man in my life

多管闲事的结果

难道这次是我太冲动了吗？还是我太多管闲事了？
难道这次真的是我下错了决定吗？
我的苦心，都是为了大局着想，
难道这也算是一种错吗？
要说错，我做得最错的决定就是通知你
一个人有多重要，不是在意他的身份
而是旁人如何看待他
他的存在，是否有意义，
除了当事人的个人修养、资历和性格
还是旁人决定要如何看待他
没有人想要无端端被别人憋得一肚子气
也没有人愿意把事情做得太绝情
你可以说我可以选择不要去理会别人的说法
我的出发点是为了大局着想
既然我能够把道理说通了，你却觉得我不尊重你的话
对不起，我已经尽力了
既然你怪我们多事，你也不能怪我们对你无情
是你看不起我们处理事情的手法
你也不想想，当初我们会想到要找你商量事情
是因为我们觉得你的意见比较中立
也想询问你对事情的看法和见解，
没想到你会觉得如此委屈
以后大家就各走各路，你也看不见我们这眼中钉，心头刺
这样，你开心吗？

失恋的人

和你喜欢的人说再见，真的需要很大的勇气。
为了那么简单的一句话，真的花了很长时间去准备。
当你面对他的时候，却支支吾吾说不出口；
可是当你说出口了，却又当心他心痛受不了。
说出口的时候，又担心自己承受不了。
真的很矛盾，看到他那么心痛，我也心疼了。
我知道如果我不这么绝情，大家也不能分手了。
可是现在我连朋友也不能和你做了，真的很伤心。
我知道你现在很不好受，我也是。
我不能再找你，怕你承受不了再次失去的痛。
我知道你今天请假，没有做工，
看不到你， 我真的很不适应。
你在干吗？为什么没有来上班？
难道你还躲在角落哭吗？不要再伤心了好吗？
我知道是我伤害了你，我也在这里伤心流泪着，
你有看到吗？没有，因为我不想让你看到我这伤心样。
你会隐藏你的悲哀，我也会，
我想让你知道，我没事。
要坚强~

Rainy Night

In this night, I think part of the Earth is having tragedy now. There was a 8.9 earthquake happened in Sumatra, Indonesia, and part of Malaysian was able to feel the shake. There is a warning from the relevant government that there might be a tsunami happened around 9pm, Georgetown and Port Dickson are two of the hit points. Is anything going to be fine? At that moment, I bet everyone was wondering, is it the starting of the end of the world? Is it coming? Nobody knows it.

It is another lonely night for me that cant sleep. It is nothing big deal of, but, I just cant sleep. My body is tired, even my soul is tired, I just cant sleep well at night. I rather open my eyes at the middle of the night and starring at the laptop, do nothing in front of it. Guess I am just an empty shell without a heart. I don't dare to sleep, because I will be having night mares ever since I close my eyes and keep awaken by it. Maybe I am just being too tired, maybe I will be fine after a good rest, but most importantly, I need my darling by my side. I guess I really become more and more dependent on him in daily lives.

The weather seems to know my mood very well. When I am feeling lonely or upset, it will cry on behalf of me. Whenever I step out from indoor, sure it will rain. Now, it is 1.53am and yet, it still rains heavily. Pity Mickey that cant go out and do her business. XD

其实我不快乐

在这两年半里，我的确改变了不少。
我渐渐地找回失去的自己，但是也渐渐的失去你
现在的我应该要成熟的面对问题，可是我做不到
我到现在还是个女孩，永远都长不大的女孩。
我很想好好的做一件事情，可是做不到
我很想证明给全部人看我能够做到
可是却没有人看到
想要好好地陪你，我也做不到
我真的很没有用
能够做的我会尽力去做
你想要的， 我会给你
可是我想要的，却没有人可以给
我只能借着舞台的力量来感觉自己的存在
现在连站在舞台的能力也没有了
我真的很没有用
开心与不开心，又有谁知道

End of Y2S2

After last final exam paper of the sem, I suppose to feel happy and set me free from stress and in fact, I am having a lot of stress, either from workplace, family or relationship. I hope this is just only part of my imagination or even it is just a dream that will never come true.

As for workplace, I start to feel tired and yet, I don't have choice but to work. Sometimes, I will think, I am just 21 years old and I still too young to work so hard right now. I suppose to enjoy my uni life just like other girls do. But, if I don't work, I will not be able to pay for rental and utility fee. I do believe that no one shall like to work for more than 10 hours per day. Thus, the consequence for working too hard is the beloved one blame that I always don't have time for him and just work and work and work. I want to tell him that I want to stay with him every second but I just can't.

I always hope for his understanding on this issue but it seems not. I don't know how long this relationship can be carried forward... If I never take a look at his message box, I wouldn't know that there was just a girl in the study group and not with a guy like what he told me... does he lie to me? Am I being too busy for him? Or he has just found a better one? I don't know, and I don't wish to know.
I just think too over...

I never feel safe until I met him. I thought he could be the one that can protect me from any harms. Please don't prove me wrong and tell me it is just a dream. I start to give up myself, no more good characteristics, only bad tisseus in my tired body. I start to fill my body with alcohol, fill my soul with cigaratte. I know, I am useless, it is normal if someone has gave up hope on me. No one shall see my effort to become good, they only seen the bad side of me, they never trust I have improved myself. All I want is your compliment on my effort.

I guess I have done emo-ing here. It is time for me to go to bed. Hopefully I could have wake up as a new person the next morning and try my best to make myself into a better person. I shall not give up myself. Because if I do, nobody will ever see the bright side of me.

爱。。。唉。。。

在和你在一起的日子里
我始终无法自拔
我对你是认真的
可是，
事实却让我不敢相信眼前的你
你，是我的
但，我不敢肯定，
也不否定你在我生活里的地位

我该认真地考虑把你忘掉
可是，我做不到