When I am 26

Before 26, I always see myself as an ordinary girl with a stable relationship and building my career path to a higher level. When 26, my life does happen as I have always wanted, except the luck who seems to have forgotten about me.

Year 2016 is not really a good year for most of us due to many reasons, such as company bankruptcy, politics, and bad economy. So do I. Everything I have planned, never worked out. Everything I wish to achieve, I screwed up. I always put my very best in doing them, but luck does not see it and disappointment welcomes me. Someone says i am very selfish and it always about me, me, me and it is very silly to say things do not go as I planned. Yes, I am frustrated. Yes, I am upset. Yes, I always express my stupid feelings at you although I know you do not like it. This is because I made a promise with you that I will no longer keep my feelings from you. I share every tiny details of my daily moments with you in order to keep us connected. But you started to keep your feelings from me again, just like when we first met.

I am not a talented person, nor a clever one and thus, I always work hard to earn what I deserve. I do not ask for something that is impossible as there is no free lunch in the world and I have to work hard to earn it.. As such, I have to work hard to make things happen. But somehow, things seldom go by my way and it is pretty upset. Bit by bit, I got depressed and I rather give up in doing my best for everything.

For example, when I discover my partner is bothering by work and he refuses to talk to me, it rather upset as he does not share his feeling to me anymore. Perhaps he feels it's his burden to bear and not mine. I have made a promise to be his ears and will be there for him when he needs me. But, he chooses to stay away from me instead when he needs me the most. Why he can't realize and admit that it is alright for him to share his feeling with me and cry his heart out? I totally not ok if he chooses to bury everything deep in his heart. Whenever this happens, he and I get frustrated, say things that we are not meant to and quarrel with each other. (This will make him piss and speak out everything and I really sorry for it.) So yeah, we usually end up not talking to each other for the rest of the night. However, I will make the first move to talk to him thereafter. This is because I appreciate what he is doing and hope he will get stronger thereafter. But it seems like I always make things worse.

A message for my beloved one:-

"Darling, I do not know whether you will be reading this message or not, but still, this is for you and future me. I know I get jealous and feeling insecure easily and I may not be able to get as gentle or ladylike as you wanted me to be, but I will always give you the best of me, love you with all I got, protect you from any possible harms, and pamper you at all times. I know I have been doing lots of stupid things when I am with you, but my intention is to protect, not to harm. If you think the way I love you is to much for you to bear, please let me know and I will make things right for both of us. I don't care if you are the most boring person in the world, or you are the most talented person I have ever fall in love with, you will always be my loved one and I am always here for you whenever you need me. When you feel tired and exhausted, I wish I am strong enough to hold you while you walk towards me, hug me, and say:"I am home." and I shall comfort you with the warmest hug. In fact, I am too weak to even hold you tight and wipe the bitter tears of yours. I wish I am stronger and able to protect you but I failed. Please forgive the foolishness of mine and I need you to stay with me, grow strong with me and most importantly, grow old with me."

展开人生新的乐章

终于熬过了大学的日子。当中有苦，有乐，有多少辛酸自己知，有多少委屈自己懂。在大学生涯里，曾经遇见过无数的人与事，有的让我伤心难过，有的让我欢喜，也有的协助我的成长。感谢那些曾经伤害过我的人，是你教会我凡事要尽量的沉住气，伤心过了还是要坚强的站起来面对每一天。感谢在我失意期间一直不断鼓励和陪伴我的人，也特别要感谢在我失意时遇见了你，我的面包，是你让我改变，变成现在的我。如果当初没有你的存在，我想今天的我将会是落魄的过街老鼠，永远都抬不起头来见人。感谢那些曾经帮助我的人。虽然你们只是我在大学生涯的过路人，但是，因为有你们的帮忙，我才能熬过那段艰苦的日子。不管我遇到什么苦难，你们都会想办法帮助我，陪我度过难关。至今，我们都已各奔东西，各有各的生活，在此希望大家能够过得安好，平平安安，幸福快乐。

人，一旦长大了，就会开始怀念以前的日子。像现在一样，虽然刚离开大学的生活两个星期，我已经开始怀念与朋友们疯狂的大学的日子。偶尔会想象大家可爱逗趣的摸样，一起辛苦练习及筹备演奏会，一起筹备event, campaign,和做功课，赶报告，一起吃饭喝茶谈天说地，互相诉说心事等等。当我回顾大学的日子时，我会大声的说：“我的大学生涯没有白过，因为我学会了付出、珍惜、坚强以及爱护身边的人。”

大学毕业了，该是时候要像个大人的摸样生活了。我是这样告诉自己的。在这两个星期里我不断地在应征工作，只希望找到三餐能够温饱肚子的工作，要求不高。你可以说我没有理想，没有想要建立自己的事业线，可能我连自己要如何选择我自己的事业线也不知道。我会告诉你，我有我自己的理想，就是想要成为世界顶级的打击乐手，可是理想终究是理想，不能填饱肚子。现在我只是想努力赚钱给妹妹念大学，过后才打算自己的生活。

是时候要好好加油工作了。不要想太多，一切顺其自然吧。

2014-Horse Year, Bad Beginning of the year

2014, supposed to be a new year with new hopes, new wishes, new environment and everything starts new. It is a year where all the challenges come and I shall learn on how to face them.
January 2014, I start my internship at a hotel. This is my first time working in a hotel and I am totally new to the hotel. I enter without any relevant study background, learn everything as fast as I could. Luckily, I managed to pick up everything within a month. Colleagues and manager are nice, being friendly, always share their previous working experiences with me and teach me patiently. I know I am not a fast learner and I try my best to pick up everything being taught to me. I feel so glad that I have a bunch of friendly and helpful colleagues.

This is also the time when it tests on my relationship. We never been seperated for so long and it is hard for us to meet up with each other since he is working at Singapore right now. I always feel lonely even though I am staying with family. Maybe you will say that I should be glad that I still have family by my side, but still, I don't like staying with family. 我已经习惯了自己在外面生活，突然间搬回家里感觉很奇怪。在家里，有很多东西和地方好像变得很陌生了，感觉上这不是我的家了。

I believe that I have did my best during my internship period. But, somehow, I still got complaint from hotel guest. I really do not remember what did I say on that day. What I can recall is I did not say any rude or unprofessional words or sentences to guest. But if I really did say it, I apologized and signed on the counselling letter already. It depends on the management's decision whether I can stay until my internship ends or they will terminate my internship. Hope fully they will allow me to continue my internship at the hotel until my intern ends. 难听的说一句，你不想看到我，同样的我也不想要看到你。在我面前说一套，在我背后却做另外一套。是谁答应我说那不会影响到我的实习，我才会签下那张白痴的信？是谁信口旦旦的告诉我你相信我，你会没事的，我才会天真的相信你这个无耻之徒？

What will happen if I failed my internship now? Graduation will be delayed, my study report will get bad comment, have to repeat internship and waste another RM1.5k and 3 months time. I not that stupid until I will ruin my own internship. Why all the evidences pointed at me? That makes me sound like I am lying to the whole world and nobody trusted me.  All I requested is your trust, and yet, you chose to lie to me and betray my trust.If death can clean the charges on me, I will jump down from the 20th floor of the building without a doubt and I shall curse you and hunt you down to hell with me and suffer the way I do.

学不会珍惜

曾经，有个傻瓜喜欢着笨蛋
傻瓜为了博得他的注意力费了好多功夫
终于，傻瓜的努力有了成果
两个人在一起过着很开心的日子

曾经， 为了很多芝麻绿豆的事而吵架
曾经，为了自己的面子而与对方争执不下
曾经，为了他而改变自己
曾经，为了陪他而不顾自己的作息
曾经，为了自己的面子而失去了他
曾经的付出，在此时此刻
已经不能发挥作用了

有很多时候，彼此都自以为很了解对方
口口声声说所做的事情都是为了对方
总是以为对方肯定会了解自己的心意
然而，事情并不像想象中般的发展
误会不断的在彼此之间冒出个头
彼此却错失了为自己辩解的机会
从而让关系变得如此脆弱

误会是如此的强大
它能够摧毁一段美好的感情
它能够摧毁好好的一个人
从而让他从此不再振作

此景不在，事过变迁，
人士亦非，回头太难
过去的，再也不能扭转乾坤
现在的，再也不能续前缘
唯有痛恨自己永远学不会珍惜

郁闷中的日子

我有多希望我是个能干的人。我知道你现在正在为了你的事业而忙着，你求才若渴，我想帮你可是我却无能为力。我恨自己的无能，也恨自己的自卑心太重。我知道自己的学习能力有限，也不能同时吸收太多的资讯。我总是觉得我一直在追着你的步伐，可是我一直在掉拍子。我很怕有一天我会跟不上你的脚步而离开你，真的很怕这情况会发生。

要怎么才能够帮得上忙的呢？我也只能不闹别扭，乖乖的呆在家或者做平时该做的事。在我的手头上我还有很多工作未完成，我很不愿意去地做，即使明天要交功课了，我还是不愿意做。到底我想要逃避到什么时候啊？

日子还是得过的，总不能每天都愁眉苦脸的阿，到时候他也会被我给气到跑掉了。每天早上起身，我都会对着镜子说：“我刚睡醒的样子真恐怖阿。。。又要开始新的一天了，忙忙碌碌的过了这一天，晚上早点回家休息吧。” 从厕所出来，换掉睡衣，就出门了，有很多时候我还是会问问自己：“我到底是为了什么而忙呢？” 可我很喜欢这样的生活，因为我把一天的行程排得满满的，让自己忙着，就不会有空闲的时间去胡思乱想。说到底，这一切都是我涌来逃避现实的借口而已。

cloudy night

there are many incidents happened at the beginning of the year. until now, i really cannot digest them all. everything seems to be arranged and it comes accordingly. maybe God wants to test me at the moment. i don't know and i am totally lost. where should i go? what should i do? i keep thinking the same question again and again and yet, i cannot figure it out. what am i doing now is to keep myself busy so that i dont have time to think about it. all i want to do for this year is to graduate at the end of the year, get myself a job and forget the past. i know this takes time and i know what is going on around me, just that i refuse to face the reality. pain will never leave once it is there, i know i should stop the pain but how? keep on thinking nonsense wouldn't help but i really don't know what else can i do.

玩电玩的生活

上个学期还过得蛮好的，轻轻松松，读书的时候读书，做工的时候做工，感觉还不错。

这个学期开始把时间排的满满的，读书、做工和玩电玩。说实在的，自己还不是很习惯这崭新的生活，总是觉得时间不够花。是自己的能力不足呢，还是爱面子而逞强？玩电玩嘛。。。对它一窍不通。不管我多努力的去练习，总是觉得自己做得不够好，还会拖累别人。很多时候我都会在想：不如退出吧？我一直不断的在强逼着自己去玩，是为了什么？这无形中带给自己很大的压力，也不知道要如何去面对自己，一心只想逃避这压力。

新的学期，有着很多功课要赶，有太多的事情要处理，可惜我什么也很难办成。如果说我是要证明我的存在价值而把全部的责任往肩上杠，你说得没错。我所做的一切，就是要证明我也可以和你一样有本事。人不是万能的，可我就是要当个万能的人。这个嘛。。。发白热梦就好了，别放在心上吧。也只能这样说服自己熬过这关吧。。。

To be Loved Again

Am I just being too sensitive? Or I am just being too naive?
I admit that I am an attention seeker, not from anybody but you
Only you that I care about, I hope for the equal amount of attention that I have given to you
Only you, my beloved one, has the right to interfere my emotion, my mind, my soul
And that is only you  I care about, nobody else
Is it a necessary to leave me alone and do your own stuff?
You might think that everything you did is wrong to me,in fact, it doesn't
I do not mind what you want to do or where you want to go
or who you want to talk with, it is none of my business
The only thing I care about is how much you love me and show it to me
All I want is show your love to me and I will be able to feel safe all the time
Just don't leave me alone and focus on your stuff
Please do not make me feel that I am all by myself although you're besides me
I might not be able to share your interest, I might not be able to give any opinion to you
Although I know nothing about your world, I still willing to stay in your world and try to accept all
because it is part of you and I know it cant be separated from your life
I might not be the most important person in your heart
But please, try to make me feel I am important to you by showing it
Your action is the best encouragement for me to carry on my journey to catch up with your foot step
I dont need a pro gamer, I only need a lover, from you
To you, you might think that you have done good enough to me
Try to think of it, when is the last time you kiss me? when is the last time you hug me nicely?
When is the last time you flirt with me? When and when, is the last time you said you love me?
All these are simple actions, and yet, it carries huge meaning to me
It shows your love and your attention to me, just show it to me
Like you used to do it at the beginning of our relationship, make me feel love again and all time
I know I have been annoying on this issue, but that is all I want, not materialistic, just you
My love~ you are my everything. I dont care how much I need to sacrifice just for you to say I love you
I shall wait, until the day
I give up on this once most precious relationship and the most important man in my life

多管闲事的结果

难道这次是我太冲动了吗？还是我太多管闲事了？
难道这次真的是我下错了决定吗？
我的苦心，都是为了大局着想，
难道这也算是一种错吗？
要说错，我做得最错的决定就是通知你
一个人有多重要，不是在意他的身份
而是旁人如何看待他
他的存在，是否有意义，
除了当事人的个人修养、资历和性格
还是旁人决定要如何看待他
没有人想要无端端被别人憋得一肚子气
也没有人愿意把事情做得太绝情
你可以说我可以选择不要去理会别人的说法
我的出发点是为了大局着想
既然我能够把道理说通了，你却觉得我不尊重你的话
对不起，我已经尽力了
既然你怪我们多事，你也不能怪我们对你无情
是你看不起我们处理事情的手法
你也不想想，当初我们会想到要找你商量事情
是因为我们觉得你的意见比较中立
也想询问你对事情的看法和见解，
没想到你会觉得如此委屈
以后大家就各走各路，你也看不见我们这眼中钉，心头刺
这样，你开心吗？

失恋的人

和你喜欢的人说再见，真的需要很大的勇气。
为了那么简单的一句话，真的花了很长时间去准备。
当你面对他的时候，却支支吾吾说不出口；
可是当你说出口了，却又当心他心痛受不了。
说出口的时候，又担心自己承受不了。
真的很矛盾，看到他那么心痛，我也心疼了。
我知道如果我不这么绝情，大家也不能分手了。
可是现在我连朋友也不能和你做了，真的很伤心。
我知道你现在很不好受，我也是。
我不能再找你，怕你承受不了再次失去的痛。
我知道你今天请假，没有做工，
看不到你， 我真的很不适应。
你在干吗？为什么没有来上班？
难道你还躲在角落哭吗？不要再伤心了好吗？
我知道是我伤害了你，我也在这里伤心流泪着，
你有看到吗？没有，因为我不想让你看到我这伤心样。
你会隐藏你的悲哀，我也会，
我想让你知道，我没事。
要坚强~

Rainy Night

In this night, I think part of the Earth is having tragedy now. There was a 8.9 earthquake happened in Sumatra, Indonesia, and part of Malaysian was able to feel the shake. There is a warning from the relevant government that there might be a tsunami happened around 9pm, Georgetown and Port Dickson are two of the hit points. Is anything going to be fine? At that moment, I bet everyone was wondering, is it the starting of the end of the world? Is it coming? Nobody knows it.

It is another lonely night for me that cant sleep. It is nothing big deal of, but, I just cant sleep. My body is tired, even my soul is tired, I just cant sleep well at night. I rather open my eyes at the middle of the night and starring at the laptop, do nothing in front of it. Guess I am just an empty shell without a heart. I don't dare to sleep, because I will be having night mares ever since I close my eyes and keep awaken by it. Maybe I am just being too tired, maybe I will be fine after a good rest, but most importantly, I need my darling by my side. I guess I really become more and more dependent on him in daily lives.

The weather seems to know my mood very well. When I am feeling lonely or upset, it will cry on behalf of me. Whenever I step out from indoor, sure it will rain. Now, it is 1.53am and yet, it still rains heavily. Pity Mickey that cant go out and do her business. XD

其实我不快乐

在这两年半里，我的确改变了不少。
我渐渐地找回失去的自己，但是也渐渐的失去你
现在的我应该要成熟的面对问题，可是我做不到
我到现在还是个女孩，永远都长不大的女孩。
我很想好好的做一件事情，可是做不到
我很想证明给全部人看我能够做到
可是却没有人看到
想要好好地陪你，我也做不到
我真的很没有用
能够做的我会尽力去做
你想要的， 我会给你
可是我想要的，却没有人可以给
我只能借着舞台的力量来感觉自己的存在
现在连站在舞台的能力也没有了
我真的很没有用
开心与不开心，又有谁知道

End of Y2S2

After last final exam paper of the sem, I suppose to feel happy and set me free from stress and in fact, I am having a lot of stress, either from workplace, family or relationship. I hope this is just only part of my imagination or even it is just a dream that will never come true.

As for workplace, I start to feel tired and yet, I don't have choice but to work. Sometimes, I will think, I am just 21 years old and I still too young to work so hard right now. I suppose to enjoy my uni life just like other girls do. But, if I don't work, I will not be able to pay for rental and utility fee. I do believe that no one shall like to work for more than 10 hours per day. Thus, the consequence for working too hard is the beloved one blame that I always don't have time for him and just work and work and work. I want to tell him that I want to stay with him every second but I just can't.

I always hope for his understanding on this issue but it seems not. I don't know how long this relationship can be carried forward... If I never take a look at his message box, I wouldn't know that there was just a girl in the study group and not with a guy like what he told me... does he lie to me? Am I being too busy for him? Or he has just found a better one? I don't know, and I don't wish to know.
I just think too over...

I never feel safe until I met him. I thought he could be the one that can protect me from any harms. Please don't prove me wrong and tell me it is just a dream. I start to give up myself, no more good characteristics, only bad tisseus in my tired body. I start to fill my body with alcohol, fill my soul with cigaratte. I know, I am useless, it is normal if someone has gave up hope on me. No one shall see my effort to become good, they only seen the bad side of me, they never trust I have improved myself. All I want is your compliment on my effort.

I guess I have done emo-ing here. It is time for me to go to bed. Hopefully I could have wake up as a new person the next morning and try my best to make myself into a better person. I shall not give up myself. Because if I do, nobody will ever see the bright side of me.

爱。。。唉。。。

在和你在一起的日子里
我始终无法自拔
我对你是认真的
可是，
事实却让我不敢相信眼前的你
你，是我的
但，我不敢肯定，
也不否定你在我生活里的地位

我该认真地考虑把你忘掉
可是，我做不到

迷茫中

心，又在动荡不止了
你的出现让我无法静止
在不适当的时间出现
更让我心神不宁
在茫茫人海里忙无边际的走着
茫茫然的，不确定自己在哪里
不知道自己要什么，就这样
迷失了自己
无时无刻都感到迷茫

和我在一起的人，往往被我伤害得最深
我很想保护你，很想把你抱进我的世界里
在你的世界里，永远都保留着一片禁地
一片连你自己都不敢踏进的世界
即使我知道那是你的禁地
我还是很想要踏进去
可是我知道，只要我踏进去了
我就不能离开，而你也会受伤
我带给你的，只是一道永不磨灭的伤

很抱歉，我踏出了不该有的第一步
我很努力的控制自己不要再去了
可是，我知道我是做不到
到此为止吧，算了吧，忘了吧
我还是转身离开吧
离开你，是我唯一能做的事
逃避你，是我唯一的选择
再也没有勇气接近你了
我想，是时候放手了
你，永远都不会属于我的。

看不见的自己

曾经有个人告诉过我， 我这个人没有生存目标，而事实是如此。从来我做事情就是凭着家人的嘱咐去做而已，唯一一次的能够凭着自己的能力和意愿而达成的目标是在九年前。那时候我刚刚进华乐团，我就是被我的师姐给吸引住。我也要谢谢她，因为就是她，而设定了我第一个想要的目标。五年之后，我凭着自己的能力而达成了目标。过程虽然辛苦，但是那时候的我是最开心，最难忘的日子。

现在的我呢？生活没有目标，读书是为了什么？这问题是在前些日子有个人这么问我的，可是我不会回答。而我的同事却帮我回答了。读书是因为我的家人要我读，而我则什么也学不到，这个就叫死读书，读死书，根本就没有用的。那我不如不读好了？我只是想这样糊里糊涂的活下去。我知道这听起来很荒谬，但是这就是我的想法，我想要的日子。轻轻松松的过日子，有什么不好？为什么要置身于充满心计的丑陋世界，每个人都争个你死我活就只为了生存？

我总有个感觉，在自己看不到的地方，总会有个连自己也看不到的另外一个自己。要怎样才能够看到那个自己呢？到底自己有些什么能力？我想要做的事情，就是被收进这个世外桃源，而我也不想再踏进那个世界。就让梦想在那里，好好的生存着，起码我还留着生存的意志。

A Quiet Person's Inner Part

You always wondering why am I being so quiet all the time. You know why, just that you don't want to answer. Topics you talked about, I can't join into the conversation, neither picture it out nor understand it. I was trained to talk whenever it is necessary since when I was a kid. Another reason for me to remain silence is I cant control my mouth. I will just talk without having a second thought. I think it is always the best for me to remain silence. I always wanted to talk, but, I know I will hurt someone else when I open my mouth and talk. It is always the best to keep everything within myself rather than shout it out onto other's faces.

家人，是什么？

家人，对你来说，定义是什么？
家人，对我来说，又有什么意思？
你常常说我不会明白家人的意思
纵使我了解家的意思和重要性，
那又怎样呢？
是的！我是永远都不会明白
因为，从小我就当作我不属于这个家
从小，我就被当成一个小大人
我常常以成熟的性格来保护自己
妈妈以前怎样对我，
家人以前怎样对我，你知道吗？
我告诉你了，你会听吗？你会了解吗？
你永远都不会了解小时候的我
就像我永远都不会了解家人的意思


你在家里是唯一的独生子，也是老幺
你从小就受尽千宠百爱，你哪里会明白我？
而我呢？
从小，我要什么，
我就要凭着自己的本事就拿
有时候甚至会被所谓的大人们欺骗
小时候就常常被他们骗了
是他们让我不再相信家人
凭什么我要相信他们？


从小，我就被妈妈当作是一个负担
妈妈从小就只是让我知道
他们辛苦，就是为了喂饱我们，
让我们读书，补习，这就是尽责的妈妈
除此之外，就再也不想听我说话
所以我才会对家人静静的，不说话
因为我从小就是这么长大的
我一开口说话，就是个错
常常只会骂我，叫我住口
我只是想把我 每天在学校发生的事告诉妈妈
却无端端换来一顿臭骂
我的心，能够不受伤吗？我能够做什么啊？


我知道我读书不厉害，也不是什么天才
可我还知道什么叫自尊和廉耻
妈常常当着我的面和别的邻居说
说我是个养不驯的野孩子，说我只会浪费饭钱
整天只会往奶奶和姑姑身边跑
你说，那时候的我才七、八岁，
我能听懂妈妈说的每一字，每一句
我很心痛
我能怎样阿？只能在半夜，把脸盖在枕头下
偷偷哭泣，再问问自己，是不是自己投错胎？
试想想，一个八岁小孩在想这些问题
我的思想还不算成熟吗？ 
这个家，还算是我的家吗？
这个妈妈，还算是我的妈妈吗？


一个早就没有家的心灵，哪来的家人？
一个没有家的心灵，该回去哪个家？
我注定是要一个人生存的
没有家的浪人，注定要走遍天涯海角
只为寻找真正属于自己的家
而我，就是那个浪人。

感情稳定了，就再也看不到你

这夜里，不知是不是天气太热的问题，
还是我不习惯回到家里，我无法入睡。
心理很不平衡，
身体很累了，却不想睡觉。
心里面在想念着一个人
而脑袋也没有一刻停止思想
无时无刻都在思考着
你在干嘛，有没有想我，我什么时候能够回去
这种种的问题。。。很恼人。。


最近的你好吗？我可不好
感觉上我好像被你打入了冷宫
你只顾玩你的电脑，而我呢
则坐在一个角落，默默地望着你的背影
傻傻的在期望着你会回头看我，
走过来，把我 拥在你的怀抱里
请问， 你有多长时间没有那么对我了？
难道，感情久了，稳定了，就没有温情了吗？


我已经开始把你当作我的家人来对待了
我已经变得不爱说话，只喜欢静静的呆在一边
什么都不想说，因为你不会听
什么都不理，因为你不会在意
整天都没有笑容，因为你不再为我而活
这些已经显示着，我，
开始对你麻木了，因为期望太多，失望也越多
一旦对你的泪开始不流了，突然间对你麻木了，
就不再爱说话，不再爱玩闹
因为我没有玩闹的对象


从此我不会再相信男人的信誓旦旦的承诺
承诺里夹着期望，也携带着失望
一旦没有遵守承诺，失望会占据整个脆弱的心
那我就会变得更强悍，变得更加懂得伪装自己
来掩盖已经破碎不堪的心灵
我，还能凭着什么留在你的身边？

Dear My Precious Sister

Today, I accidentally read my sister's blog. Everytime I read her blog, it makes me feel I have abandoned her for such a long time and I don't even care much about her life nowadays. Am I a failure sister? I do love her so much, and yet, I don't have much time for her too. Now, what I am doing is only for myself and my future, but not for her. I seldom think of my family it is a fact and this can't be changed in a sudden. It doesn't mean that I don't love my family, it is just so hard for me to voice it out. I spend all my time in work and study and relationship, just to make sure I don't have time to think so much. Just like my sister said, she can't be noticed by other people around her previously, and because of me, she only get other people's notice. She works so hard just to get people's attention to her, she just wants to prove that she can gain all the attention by herself and not because of me. Now, she has proved that she did it and I am so proud of her. The moment I read her blog, I can see myself inside her. I don't know what can I do for her now, I only can say, wish her good luck and work hard for her secondary school life, and don't be a failure sister like me.